Pain, Sacrifice, & Happiness

I was reading a blog by Mark Manson entitled “The Most Important Question of Your Life.”  He mentions how, when people are asked what they want in their life, they often respond by saying “happiness,” which is quite a vague answer.

He suggests that a better question is “what pain do you want in your life?”  Or maybe it could be posed differently: “what pain are you willing to endure?”  What sacrifices will you make?

Of course we all want this so-called happiness that comes with the perfect job, career, home, and car, all wrapped up in a white picket fence.  But none of that comes without a price and without hard work. I think it’s really interesting to consider that second question – what pain am I willing to endure?  After all, it relates back to virtually every facet of life:

School –  When we are in school, a great deal of our grade is based on our effort rather than our innate intelligence.  I did well in school, not because I was blessed with intelligence, but because I was diligent in completing my work to the best of my ability, probably thanks in a large part to my mom and her example of a strong work ethic.

I remember spending hours perfecting my elementary school projects, often with the help of my mom or Grandma.  Would I have rather been watching Rugrats? Absolutely.  But school was a priority.

During high school, my mom was usually at work when I got home from school, so I could have planned my time out however I wanted.  I knew that my grades were important, so I made these silly rules for myself. I would only allow myself to eat a snack or watch a TV show after my homework was finished.  Nobody imposed this rule upon me; I just knew that my homework had to come first. Then I could have free time later.

Now those aren’t really examples of pain, per say, but I was intentionally sacrificing more enjoyable activities as a result of my main priority, which was earning strong grades.

As a teacher, I always promise my students at the beginning of the year that none of them will fail as long as they put forth their full effort.  While this may not be true of a math or science class, it works in English. Although I teach difficult courses, I have never, in the past ten years of teaching, had a student fail who was truly trying his or her best.  Who fails? The ones who miss homework assignments and turns in late work.  

Yes, some of the students who are weak writers may struggle and may receive some low and failing grades, but they never fail for the year as long as they are trying their best.  They probably won’t earn an A either, but they will pass. Why? Because of their strong effort. Because they’re sacrificing their time to complete challenging assignments and to come to my room after school for the extra help that they need.

I’m also aware that this situation may be difficult for students with major mental disabilities, but I have taught students with minor disabilities and I find the same to be true for them.  Sure, some of them need an IEP or 504 Plan to get some accommodations, but they will always pass if they try. Those with major disabilities could be an exception.

College – College is the same way as other schooling.  Sure, there are some students who glide through their classes without much effort because of their sheer brilliance, but the majority of the students who perform well are those who are diligent.  That requires some level of pain, sacrifice, and prioritizing.

I graduated college magna cum laude.  Is that because I was lucky? No. I sometimes missed social events because of assignments that I was completing or night classes that I was attending — especially once I was student teaching full time while also enrolled in night classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. 

If we want success, we must find places to make sacrifices.  I know many students who end up dropping out of school. Some will say it was too difficult, but I don’t think that’s really true for most of them.  For many of them, the problem is that they get preoccupied by the social aspect of college and prioritize that over completing their work and studying.

Career Goals – Everyone wants that dream job, but how many people are willing to put in the necessary work to get there?  I always talk to my students about this. As a high school teacher, I hear some students complaining about their jobs and quitting every other week, but others push through the small annoyances with the realization that menial jobs are often necessary at times. 

I tell them how I knew since 8th grade that I wanted to be a teacher, but I also knew that I would have to have other jobs along the way.  I was fortunate enough to enjoy the jobs I had during my youth (pet sitting, babysitting, and checking badges at my local beach). However, I also hard to work custodial during college, which meant getting up at 5:30am to vacuum, clean windows, and clean bathrooms.  Was that my dream job? Obviously not. But if I wanted to pay for college in order to eventually obtain my teaching degree and certification, it was a necessary step.  

Entry-level jobs are also a reality for most people.  I graduated from collage in December, which isn’t an ideal time to find a full-time teaching position.  As a result, I had to work as a substitute teacher for six months while also working as a waitress at an assisted living facility.  I did not love either of those jobs, but I needed money and I needed to try to get a job in my field even if it wasn’t a full-time position.

I spent days subbing second grade classes full of kids who would drive me absolutely crazy by the end of the day since I wasn’t really used to that age group, having spent my student teaching and early experiences working in high schools.  I didn’t love going to work each day, but quitting wasn’t an option. I had to keep moving forward to later get hired as a full-time English teacher for the following school year.

So many people expect to graduate from college and immediately have their dream job waiting for them, but that isn’t how life usually works.  They might have to work a menial job first. Those menial jobs teach us life lessons in patience, communication, humility, you name it.  

Travel –  I love traveling and volunteering overseas.  I have been fortunate enough to have traveled to the Dominican Republic, Ecuador, Brazil, Haiti, Rwanda, Nicaragua, Uganda, Indonesia, Qatar, and Mexico, in addition to a variety of places within the United States.  Some of these were vacations while others were mission trips. I have had numerous people tell me how they can’t believe how lucky I am that I can travel so much. That drives me crazy. Lucky? No. I’m not lucky. I’m frugal.  

Some people buy a coffee every morning.  I’m not one of those people. Some women need new clothes for every season.  I’m not that person. Many women feel that they need haircuts, nail appointments, eyebrow appointments, and massages.  Heck, many are now even paying for false eyelashes and tattooed eyebrows. I pay for none of those things. Painting nails isn’t rocket science — I do it myself.  I cut my own hair, and before that, I would go to Supercuts for a $14 haircut rather than a $60 that a real salon might charge.

I’ve also never bought a new car.  My first car was my grandpa’s old minivan, which I was fortunate enough to get for free.  My second car was a 2003 Honda Civic that I had for about 8 years and which cost me $4,700.  I recently purchased my third car, a 2013 Mazda 3, which cost me $3,000. Think of all of the money that people would spend if they eliminated their often astronomical car payments from their lives.  New cars are not necessary.

I don’t say all of these things to show off, but to show that it’s possible to make sacrifices for the things we really want.  I’m thankful again to my mom for teaching me these lessons throughout my childhood. I didn’t get new toys or clothes or treats just because I asked; I was rewarded if it was a special occasion or the start of a new school year or a strong report card.  In the summer, I would very occasionally get ice cream from the ice cream man, but I knew not to expect that every single day. It was an infrequent treat.

During my years working as a gate guard at the local beach when I was younger, I saw the same families purchasing ice cream for their children every single day.  Not only is that not very healthy, but it’s not necessary. Children don’t have the right to something just because they ask.

Don’t complain to me that you can’t take a vacation if you have a new car and are paying for that morning coffee and those hair and nail appointments.  Sacrifice some of those expenses and you’ll be surprised what you can afford. It all comes down to our priorities. If your fancy car is your priority, then the dream vacation may have to be put on hold.  But if the trip is what you really want, then you can probably make it happen depending on how you manage your expenses.

Home-Ownership – Similar to the last category, home ownership requires sacrifice.  Although I am not currently a homeowner, my husband and I both pay close attention to our spending so that we can eventually purchase a home in the future.  We choose not to have cable or subscriptions to Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, or Spotify.  

We have a small data plan for our cell phones, so I sometimes have to tell my husband to stop listening to podcasts at the gym until the next month since I don’t want to use up our data.  I choose when to use data on my phone so that we don’t surpass our 2 GB monthly limit. These are things that people don’t often consider. They need the large data plan, despite the fact that most of this data is used scrolling through social media.  They need to be able to receive any package from Amazon in 2 days.  Wait for a week? You must be out of your mind! We live in a society that thrives on instant gratification, after all.

Physical Fitness – Let me begin with the caveat that I understand there are people who have underlying medical conditions that make fitness a major challenge.  Those are not the people I’m talking about.

Let’s talk about the average American – a person who has no major health issues, but is still overweight or obese.  Usually, that is a result of their own choices. Fitness comes down to 2 numbers: caloric intake and amount/intensity of exercise.  These are very much in our own control.

If I want to lose weight, I can’t expect that to happen while drinking soda, eating fast food, and exercising once a week.  That’s just not how it works.

As a person who enjoys physical fitness and being in shape, I must make sacrifices and also endure some degree of pain.

In the dream world, I would be able to each french toast or waffles every morning for breakfast and still have rock solid abs.  Sorry to break it to you, but that’s not reality. I swallow my oatmeal instead, knowing that the health benefits outweigh the mediocre taste.  I don’t like oatmeal, but I eat it because it’s a healthier choice than the cream cheese bagel I would prefer.

I eat healthy most of the week so that I feel okay about enjoying a nice meal with my husband on the weekend.  A great deal of that requires sacrifice since pizza and burgers taste great to me, too. It’s not like we don’t like the taste of junk food.  Last night we had Shamrock Shakes from McDonald’s. Healthy? No. But we had been eating healthy and working out all week, so 1 milkshake wasn’t going to make a huge difference.

What’s interesting is that the healthier I eat, the less I desire to eat high-fat foods or fast foods because they make me feel physically ill.  I stopped drinking soda in 7th grade after learning about its potential to create tiny holes in our bones. That was enough news for me. I stopped ordering my usual 7-Up when out to dinner and switched to water.  Now I get a stomach ache if I drink soda, so it’s not even a sacrifice to avoid it at this point. The same is true of burgers from fast food restaurants. Sure, they taste okay, but they aren’t worth the upset stomach that is sure to follow.

Running – I love running, but a great deal of pain and sacrifice comes with it.  When training for a half or full marathon, I have to make large sacrifices of my time in order to complete my training runs.  When I used to have Sunday long runs (which could last up to 3 hours), I would have to get to bed early on Saturday night in order to have the stamina to run 20 miles on Sunday morning.  I would have to pay close attention to my dinner the night before to make sure that my run wouldn’t be met with digestive issues. Rather than splurging on pizza and staying up late with friends, I would opt for a healthier meal and I would get to bed by 9 or 10pm.

Getting through a 20-mile run isn’t comfortable.  Running through some level of pain was always necessary at certain points.  Usually the first mile was the hardest, especially on days when I knew I had 19 more miles to go before I would be finished.

Sometimes those runs would have to be done on cold days, rainy days, or windy days.  Sometimes I would start before the sun was up to avoid 90-degree heat in the summer. But having a goal of finishing a marathon, those things are just par for the course.  Pain will occur at some point. The question is – are we mentally tough to push through? Many people talk about how the completion of a marathon, which is 26.2 miles, is just as much mental as it is physical.  We have to push through not just physical discomfort, but also mental exhaustion. If you aren’t willing to endure pain, then don’t sign up for a race.

Dating – Manson talks about how people often “settle and wonder ‘What if?’ for years and years.”  Why all of this settling? Because it’s easy. One of the things that pushed me to end a 3-year relationship with an ex-boyfriend was a commencement speech called “You’re Not Special.”  In the speech, English teacher David McCullough mentions how people shouldn’t “bother with work [they] don’t believe in any more than [they] would a spouse [they’re] not crazy about.”  

Considering that line, I had to admit to myself that I couldn’t have said I was truly “crazy about” my ex.  He was fine. He was a nice guy. But that was it. Was I excited about the prospect of a life and future with him?  No. Why was I still in this relationship? Because it was easy. Because breaking up sucks and leaves you feeling lonely and sad, even if you’re the one doing the breaking up.

Breaking up takes you out of your comfort zone.  I don’t like hurting people’s feelings, so pushing myself to actually go through with breaking someone’s heart is difficult.  However, it’s also worth it. This pain is necessary in order to find the right person — the person you are confident is the man you want by your side for the rest of your life, no doubts in your mind.

I could have never found my husband had I settled for that mediocre guy.  I could have potentially had a mediocre marriage to him, but nothing great, nothing exciting.

Chastity – Along the lines of dating, the virtue of chastity requires great amounts of sacrifice.  My husband and I knew that we did not believe in having sex before marriage, but a person doesn’t just make that commitment and then forget about it.  It takes work. It takes prayer. It takes communication.

We live in a society that praises a lack of sexual inhibitions.  You’re impregnated by your boyfriend with no? That’s okay. You have a Tinder profile for random hookups?  That’s what your 20s are all about…isn’t it? You watch pornography? Cool – we all do. You masturbate? Obviously – you need that sexual release, even if you’re single. 

(Hopefully you notice my sarcasm there.)  All of that is a bunch of lies. We don’t “deserve” or have a “right” to sexual pleasure.  Sex is a gift from God that must be used with care. It’s intended for the sacrament of marriage – for spousal unity and to potentially bring a life into the world.  

I hate how modern feminism acts as though we should be going around sleeping with anyone we want, not expecting negative consequences.  Sex was designed for unity and bonding, which is helpful in a marriage, not in a random Saturday night hookup.  

Chastity is difficult.  It requires patience and temperance.  But it also leads to a more fulfilling marriage.  And within marriage, chastity is still necessary. People sometimes think that once they’re married, sex is a free for all.  But what about when a spouse is sick? Do you have the right to make them have sex with you because you want it? No, you need to be compassionate to their needs and understand that you might have to wait a few days.  Learning chastity while dating is essential to be able to live a chaste marriage.

Individual sexual pleasure through masturbation isn’t a right either.  It’s been proven to be addictive and to lead to less fulfilment in marriage.  The same is true of pornography use. We must actively choose to live chaste lives in order to gain the most from our marriages.

Pregnancy – I’m currently pregnant and although I’ve had a very easy pregnancy, I know many women who have not.  However, they know that some pregnancy pains are necessary if they want to bear children. The pain will ultimately be rewarded through the birth of a child.

I have no idea what my birth story will entail, but I am REALLY hoping for an unmedicated labor.  I would like, if at all possible, to avoid an induction and epidural and while I know that some of that may change as a result of my specific circumstances, that is still my ultimate goal.  I’m not trying to be a hero or to prove anything, but I know that labor pains aren’t causing damage. Labor pains are a part of the process. Epidurals often slow labor and can even cause problems or stagnation in the pushing phase since the woman cannot really feel what she’s doing.  

Pregnancy itself can bring about varying degrees of pain as well.  I have been blessed with a very small degree of this pain, but some women face major problems with nausea, vomiting, heartburn, back pain, swollen feet, you name it.  However, many of those same women choose to become pregnant again because of their desire for children. They know how rough pregnancy can be, yet they welcome another pregnancy because the pain and discomfort is worth it once their children arrive.

Children – I don’t currently have children; however, any parent can tell you how trying it can be to raise them.  They are also quick to tell you how it’s worth it. Sure, raising a kid for 18 years has its fair share of pain and difficulties, as well as a slew of sacrifices that must be made, but few parents say that they would go back and choose not to have those children.  The pain ultimately leads to greater rewards.

Manson says,  “If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn’t what you want, you just enjoy wanting. Maybe you don’t actually want it at all.”

Think about the goals that you say that you want.  Are you doing anything to realize those dreams? If not, then maybe you don’t really want them as much as you think you do.

When I was younger, I thought that I really wanted to be a singer, despite my less than average singing voice.  I thought that my dream was to sing, yet what was I doing to make that happen? Pretty much nothing. I didn’t really want to be a singer.  Sure, I liked the idea of being a singer, but I wasn’t about to put my sweat and tears into that career choice.

Similarly, I have said numerous times how much I want visible abs.  Unlike singing, that goal is entirely in my control. All I need is to lose fat in my stomach area.  However, I choose to eat desserts and to eat some unhealthy meals. I do work out and run often, but I’ve never had clearly defined abs.  While some of that could be genetic, it’s mostly because of my own choices. I’m confident in my body and I am not overweight, but abs aren’t truly my priority when I really think about it.

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Manson also says how he likes to ask people how they “choose to suffer.”  He says that “ultimately that’s the hard question that matters. Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have similar answers. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?”

Ultimately, that’s what it comes down to.  How much pain will we sustain to achieve the goals we have set for ourselves?  Are we ready to do whatever it takes to obtain a certain dream, or will be back off when the going gets tough?

 

 

 

 

 

Decade in Review

For the past 5 years, I’ve posted my years in review, but I realized today how much has changed just in this past decade.  So let’s look back at the 2010s and the major milestones of each year

2010:

-Grad Week at Franciscan

-Graduation from Franciscan University (well, technically I graduated in December 2009, but I walked at graduation in 2010)

-My mom graduated from WCSU with her associate’s degree

-22nd birthday in LBI

-Started my first teaching job at Paul Laurence Dunbar School in Bridgeport, CT teaching 7th and 8th grade reading and language arts

-Moved to Monroe, CT and into my first apartment in the downstairs of this house:

-Started my second teaching job at Central High School in Bridgeport CT teaching 9th and 10th grade English in October since the high school had overcrowding problems

-Christmas 2010

2011:

-Frost Valley

-Visited Amy/Lea/Kara in San Diego with Lizzy during February break

-Bought my first car (2003 Honda Civic) to replace my van that I had gotten from my grandpa

-Finished my first year of teaching and winning the Bridgeport New Teacher of the Year award

-Chaperoned a youth group at Catholic Heart Work Camp outside of Boston

-23rd birthday in LBI

-Moved to my second apartment in Danbury, CT

-Started my job at Danbury High School in Danbury, CT teaching 10th grade and AP English Language & Composition (I switched districts since Bridgeport was facing budget issues)

-Amy visited for Christmas since her family was living in Germany

2012:

-Frost Valley

-Fort Lauderdale, Florida for Spring Break

-Went to the release party for Island Child, a book my mom was published in

-24th birthday in LBI

-Surf lessons with my uncle in LBI

-Hurricane Sandy hit in October.  In November, my mom and I went down to LBI to see the aftermath and to donate supplies

-Sandy Hook shooting in December.  That was my scariest day as a teacher since DHS was not too far from Sandy Hook Elementary

-Went to Brazil to meet my family for the first time:

-First we flew to Manaus for a day and then to Cruzeiro do Sul where my grandparents lived.  I met my 95-year-old grandma and my 98-year-old grandpa for the first time

-Then we went back to my Aunt Celi’s house in Manaus

-Then we went to Rio and I got to meet my sister, Vanessa, for the first time

2013:

-Frost Valley

-Spring Break in Virginia, Maryland, and Delaware, and D.C. with Lizzy

-Color Me Rad 5k with friends from work at DHS

-Ran my first half marathon in Fairfield, CT (2:03 finish)

-Volunteered in Haiti with Project Teach

-25th birthday in Haiti

-LBI with my mom

-Surf lessons with my cousin Jimmy in LBI

-Ran my first full marathon in Hartford (4:20 finish)

-Christmas

2014:

-Frost Valley

-My sister’s fiancé, Carlos, came to visit CT and NYC

-Marco Island, Florida for Spring Break with my mom

-Graduation from WCSU with my master’s degree

-Mom’s graduation from WCSU with her bachelor’s degree

-Joint graduation party for both of us

-2nd half marathon in Fairfield (1:57 finish)

-My first Spartan Race with my friend Juan at Mohegan Sun in CT

-80th birthday party for my grandpa

-I had to put my dog, Butterscotch, to sleep the day we were supposed to drive down to LBI.  Definitely one of the hardest days of my life.

-26th birthday in LBI

-Visiting my friend Lizzy in NYC

-Monster Tour with Eminem & Rihanna at MetLife Stadium

-Ran the Super Spartan with Jayme in Vernon, NJ (about 9 miles)

-Ran the Spartan Beast with Jayme in Vermont (finished 17 miles in 7 hrs, 41 min)

-Went to Brazil for the 2nd time to Rio for Vanessa & Carlos’ wedding

-Tough Mudder with Jayme

-Spartan Spring at Fenway with Jayme

-Christmas

2015:

-Frost Valley

-Grandma’s 80th birthday party at the dinner theater for Camelot

-Orange Beach, Alabama with my mom for Spring Break

-Finished my 4th year teaching at DHS

-27th birthday

-LBI with my mom

-Volunteered in Rwanda with Go Be Love International

-Met my sponsored child, Patience, in Rwanda

-Went gorilla trekking in Rwanda

-Went to NYC to see some of my Brazilian relatives who were visiting

-Moved from CT to Belmar, NJ

-Started teaching at Long Branch High School in New Jersey

-Christmas

-Trip to Austin and San Antonio, Texas

2016:

-Frost Valley

-Went to Brazil for Spring Break, first to Brasilia to see Vanessa & Carlos

-Then to Manaus for my grandma’s 99th birthday (this was the 2nd and last time I got to see her)

-My mom turned 60, so she went to the Holy Land and Rome for her birthday and then we had a party in Connecticut after she returned

-Traveled to Kansas City, Missouri to score AP exams

-Ran the Fairfield for the 3rd time (1:55 finish time)

-28th birthday in LBI

-Ran the River to Sea Relay race

-Volunteered in Nicaragua with Living Water International

-Ran my 4th half marathon at Sandy Hook and set a new PR (1:54 finish time)

-Catholic Underground in NYC before AJ and I had started hanging out

-Ran my second full marathon in Atlantic City, but didn’t set a PR because I had an achilles injury that made the last 8 miles really painful (4:29 finish)

-Started officially dating AJ on 12/11/16 while in the Poconos

-Christmas

-Devin & Elise’s New Year’s Eve wedding with AJ

2017:

-Frost Valley

-Educator Workshop in Parris Island with the Marines for Spring Break

-Spartan Beast with AJ in Vernon, NJ

-Scored AP exams in Tampa, Florida

-Long Beach Island

-29th early birthday dinner since I was going to be traveling to Africa on my birthday

-Volunteered in Uganda with Go Be Love

-Ocean City, MD with AJ’s family

-Visiting family in LBI

-Ran my fifth half marathon in Sandy Hook (1:55 finish)

-Got engaged on 10/09/17

-Christmas

2018:

-Frost Valley (first time for AJ)

-Doug & Leslie’s wedding

-Bridal shower in NJ

-Scored AP exams in Tampa, Florida

-Bridal shower in CT

-30th birthday – early dinner & parasailing since we were in PA for a wedding on the real day

-My real birthday and Brady & Emily’s rehearsal dinner

-LBI with my mom

-Kate & Austin’s wedding

-Spent time with Vanessa and Carlos before my wedding

-Bachelorette dinner at the Shrimp Box

-Rehearsal dinner at Doughboys

-Got married on 08/18/18

-Honeymoon in Bali: First, Ubud

-Then Sanur

-Then Doha, Qatar on our way home

-Amy’s wedding in Texas

-Gabriella & Adam’s wedding

-Denielle & Sway’s wedding

-Brian & Taynara’s wedding

-AJ won PT of the year at his work Christmas party

-Christmas

-Game night with AJ’s family

2019:

-Frost Valley

-Scored AP exams in Tampa, Florida

-Got pregnant in June

-Mission trip to El Salvador with Living Water International

-LBI with my mom

-Found out I was pregnant on July 12th and then ran the Belmar Five Miler the next day

-31st birthday

-AJ’s family reunion in Delaware

-Visited family in LBI and told them about the pregnancy

-Anniversary trip to Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon, and Zion National Park

-Pregnancy announcement in September

-Earned tenure at LBHS

-Babymoon in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico

-Gender reveal

-Christmas

Countries visited between 2010-2019:

-Brazil

-Haiti

-Rwanda

-Nicaragua

-Uganda

-Indonesia

-Qatar

-El Salvador

-Mexico

2019 Year in Review

Phewf – what a year it has been…

Just like I have done for the past five years, here is my 2019 review of my year: (2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018)

Fortunately, we didn’t have the gazillion weddings to attend like last year (we were happy for everyone who got married last year, but 8 was a lot)!  This year, we only went to 2:

-Gina & Shehab – February

-Natalie & Nick – December

We traveled to El Salvador for a mission trip, the Grand Canyon for our one year anniversary, and Cabo for our babymoon (which we hadn’t planned on until getting United flight $$ during our anniversary trip).

But the most significant thing that happened in 2019 by far was me getting pregnant in June, finding out in July, making it public knowledge in September, and then learning everything we could about pregnancy, breastfeeding, and babies.

So here’s a run-down of 2019:

January:

-New Year’s Eve – we went to our friend Billy’s NYE party at his house

-Frost Valley in NY for Martin Luther King Jr. Weekend with AJ and my cousin Dan

February:

-Reboot Live with Chris Stefanick at St. Aloysius in Jackson

-Grandma’s 84th birthday

-Shehab and Gina’s wedding at the Park Chateau

-Valentine’s Day dinner at the churrascaria

March:

-My mom’s birthday – I made her a carrot cake & king crab & cream cheese & noodles & broccoli

April:

-Seeing the wolf dogs at the Belmar library

-Acro yoga

-Lakota Wolf Preserve for AJ’s 27th birthday followed by his birthday dinner at the churrascaria

-Easter in Connecticut

-Pet-sitting Bolt and Lola for Spring Break while AJ’s parents went to Florida

-More acro yoga

May:

-And still more acro yoga

-Mother’s Day in Connecticut

-St. Rose Confirmation (AJ helped teach the 8th grade boys for CCD while I taught the 7th graders who will be confirmed in 2020)

-Senior prom at Jumping Brook Country Club in Neptune

June:

-AP Scoring in Tampa

-Graduation

-Volunteering in El Salvador with Living Water International:

-Drilling the well:

 

-Cooking with the women:

-Making crafts & painting nails:

 

-Playing with the kids:

-Our team with the children from the village & the well:

-Free afternoon at the end of the week before flying home, so we got to go to the beach (little did I know that I was pregnant at the time):

July:

-Grandpa’s birthday in Connecticut

-LBI with my mom

-Finding out I was pregnant on July 12th

-Running the Belmar 5-Miler the day after finding out I was 5.5 weeks pregnant

-My 31st birthday at the beach, Playa Bowls for lunch, and La Dolce Vita for dinner

-Pool party at our friends’ house and a cake from Gabriella

-All of my reading finished in July or June:

August:

-AJ’s family reunion at Killens State Park in Delaware

-One year anniversary trip to the Grand Canyon (and getting $4,000 in United Miles thanks to taking a flight that was 2 hours later than our original flight):

-First stop – Las Vegas, Nevada

-Then hiking the Grand Canyon North Rim and staying at the Grand Canyon North Rim Lodge, Arizona

-Then hiking at Zion National park in Utah before heading back to Vegas to fly home:

-LBI with my family

-Terrain Race

-Books read during the month of August:

September:

-My friend Amy had her daughter, Charlotte

-Starting my 10th year of teaching

-My friend Gabriella had her son, Kolbe

-Announcing our pregnancy:

October:

-Meeting Kolbe

-AJ’s uncle Jimmy’s surprise 70th birthday party

-Bishop’s anniversary mass for couples who celebrated their 1-year anniversary in 2019, followed by dinner at Tre

-Kolbe’s baptism

-Earning tenure

Buying a new(er) car

-Women’s Catholic retreat at the Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa in Doylestown, PA

-20-week ultrasound

-Halloween at work

November:

-Trip to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico since we had the United money to use from when we took a later flight out to the Grand Canyon in August

-Hiking Mt. Solmar:

-Boat ride to see the Arch, Pelican Rock, Scooby Doo Rock, sea lions, Lover’s Beach, and Divorce beach

-Medano Beach

-Relaxing by the pool at our resort

-Beach walks

-Fully utilizing the all-inclusive package

-Gender reveal

-Friendsgiving

-Thanksgiving at AJ’s cousin’s house

December:

-Natalie and Nick’s wedding

-Birthday dinner for AJ’s mom

-Work potluck: lots of pregnant teachers this year and soon to be lots of 2020 babies

-Christmas Eve at my grandparents’ house in Connecticut

-Christmas morning at my grandparents’ house

-Christmas party at my aunt and uncle’s house

-Since AJ had off the whole week, we were able to stay in CT an extra night instead of racing home on Christmas night.  I woke up to puppy cuddles, courtesy of Jackson and Marley

-Then we spent time with AJ’s family the following weekend for a family game night, followed by a game night the following night with our friends

2019 was a great year, but we’re now getting ready for a brand new adventure in 2020 with Baby Gaines.  Who knows what to expect for next year!

Sometimes the Answer is No

I once heard a saying about God that I really liked.  It goes like this: God always answers prayers in one of three ways:

-Yes

-Not yet

-I have something better

I really like that idea, but after some recent events, I would argue that God does say “no” at times.  And sure, it may fit under the category of “I have something better,” but it’s still a no, isn’t it?  Sometimes I think our society is too sensitive and afraid of pain or suffering.  That cutesy phrase speaks to that mindset.  “No” is sometimes necessary, isn’t it?

Parents say “no” all of the time.  I tell my students “no” almost every day.  “No” isn’t some evil word.

Life has been frustrating lately.  Everything is fine.  I know that there are a gazillion people who have worse situations than me, but you know how sometimes it seems like everything is going wrong?  Welcome to the past few months.

My husband and I just keep getting hit with the answer “no.”

-First, we were signed up to volunteer with a nun I know in Haiti.  I had been so excited for this trip because I had wanted to go the previous summer, but didn’t know if it made sense financially since we were planning our honeymoon and wedding.  We got our physicals and vaccinations and malaria prescriptions this past winter.  Then protests erupted and that trip was cancelled.

-Then we tried to volunteer in India at homes where Mother Teresa used to serve.  I really felt called to that trip.  It was going to stretch me for sure, bathing people with disabilities and mental illnesses, but I felt that that was where God was leading me.  Then my husband’s job wouldn’t give him the time off to go there.  No #2.

-Then we found another mission trip in India that would be a little bit shorter.  We would be helping the priests in a seminary to learn English, to spend time with the people in the area, and to work on some building projects.  That fell through after political tension between India and Pakistan. Another no.

-We found a house that we wanted to put an offer on back in November, but our landlords wouldn’t let us out of our lease early (even though I’ve been a loyal tenant for the past 4 years).  No.

-Then my husband and I were hoping for some changes with his job that would allow him to work less crazy hours and would allow us to spend more time together (since we currently don’t see each other on Mon/Wed/Fri and barely at all on Thurs.  Another no.

-This month we found a house we loved and were officially under contract.  We liked it (and especially the location) even more than that house back in November.  People kept asking if I was excited and I told them not until after the inspection.  Thank goodness for that.  We had to terminate the contract once the sellers refused to fix any of the necessary repairs. No #6

-My mom had some serious stuff going wrong, and none of that has been resolved.  No #7 and possibly #8, but I’m still praying about that one.

-I was disappointed that I would only see my husband this Sunday evening since he has a course on Fri/Sat/Sun and work on the weekdays, but I was looking forward to the 6 hours on Sunday that we would have together.  Well, after driving home from Connecticut on Mother’s Day and the brake light coming on, my husband’s car now needs new brakes and tires, which he can only take care of when?  Yep, Sunday.  So now we have zero time together this weekend.  No #9.

-I wanted to do something special for our one year wedding anniversary, but since it’s August by the shore, everything is way too expensive and although I’m still trying to figure out options, so far nothing is panning out.  #10.

I know that none of this is the end of the world.  We love our current apartment.  We both have full time jobs.  We’re pretty healthy.  But it’s difficult to just keep hearing that “no.”

I trust that God has a plan, but back to back “no’s” still stink.  And sure, some of them may still be “I have something better,” but it doesn’t help at the moment.

It kind of reminds me of my last breakup, to the person I really thought I would marry.  Looking back now, I am obviously so thankful that he broke up with me because I never would have met my current husband if I had stayed with him.  But in the moment, I remember that it seemed as though nothing would ever go right.

God’s love story for my life (meeting my husband through Bible study and being friends first) was so much better than what I had with my ex (having met him online), but I needed to get through the heartbreak and put God first.

I’m sure He also has our dream house out there somewhere. I just wish we didn’t have to waste so much time and money on all of this house stuff that keeps falling through.  Luckily, we only had the inspection and didn’t pay for the oil tank sweep that we were about to schedule.  And thank goodness that our attorney suggested checking the crawl space after a rainy day since it was dry during the inspection (we found 8 inches of water after the rain).  I know all of this.  I’m grateful for it.  Really.  But it’s still not easy.

God sure has some interesting timing, but I guess I need to just put it into perspective.  Sure, I can complain all day about wasting $500 on the inspection.  But it could have been $1000 if we had scheduled the oil tank sweep that we needed.  And if it hadn’t rained, we would have bought this house having no idea about the water problem.  We also learned a lot about what to look for and what to avoid in future potential houses.

God’s answer was “no.”  No on the job.  No on the new house.  No on my mom’s recent struggles.

I guess “no” is okay.  It’s not desirable, but it’s okay. Is no always “I have something better”?  I’m not sure.  It was in terms of the boyfriend and hopefully in terms of the house.  But sometimes we don’t have the “something better” to go along with the “no.”

That’s life.  We’re imperfect creatures living in an imperfect world.  This life isn’t meant to be easy or full of happiness; it’s about relying on God and living in a way that makes us worthy of heaven.

God can absolutely say “no.”  The question is, how will we react to that answer?

Back in November when the first house fell through, I felt silly.  I had prayed for it to fall through if it wasn’t meant to be.  God answered that prayer, yet I was still laying in bed crying.  Ahh, the irony of flawed humans.

Even with this recent house, I prayed the same thing.  However, I thought that once we were under  contract, that was God’s “yes.”  Nope.  Wrong again.  It was still a “no,” just not right off the bat.

This time, I still feel frustrated, but I’m trying to remember the positives.  I’m not laying in my bed crying.  I know that this house just wasn’t meant to be.  It wasn’t right for us.  That “no” is not ideal, but it’s okay.  I’m thankful that I didn’t purchase a home that had water problems.  I’m thankful that I will continue living by the beach.

God has said “no” to me many times this year.  But that’s okay.  A house won’t get me to heaven, but my reaction to these setbacks may.

 

 

Planned Parenthood is a Danger to Women

I watched the film Unplanned yesterday with my husband.  It is a difficult film to watch, but absolutely necessary.  I recommend it to everyone, regardless of their view on abortion.  Pro-lifers will hopefully be moved into action as a result of viewing the film and pro-choicers may realize the evil that takes place within the walls of every Planned Parenthood location.  I also watched this podcast to learn more details about this issue.

The film centers around Abby Johnson, a woman who worked for Planned Parenthood for 8 years.  She was the youngest director of a clinic in Texas.  She had had 2 abortions of her own and she truly believe that she was helping women and their reproductive rights through her job.

However, she eventually began to see the lies that are propagated by Planned Parenthood and she realized how many of those lies were coming out of her own mouth in her conversations with women who went to the clinic.

Although I have always been pro-life, I never realized exactly what happens in Planned Parenthood facilities until viewing this film.  I am appalled to know that the organization comes into local schools to talk to our students during health class.

Margaret Sanger, who lived during the late 1800s and early 1900s, is credited with beginning organizations that would eventually become what we know today as Planned Parenthood.  It is also common knowledge that she was a eugenist, but we ignore that part of her background when we learn about her in our history textbooks.  She wanted people with disabilities to be sterilized.  She presented at a meeting of the Ku Klux Klan.  If you don’t believe this to be true, just look at some of the titles of her published articles: “Birth Control and Positive Eugenics,” “Birth Control: the True Eugenics,” and “The Eugenic Conscience,” among others.  She believed that none of the following types of people should bear children: alcoholics, people with cancer/ syphilis/ tuberculosis, prisoners, you name it.

She was quoted with this in 1921: “the most urgent problem today is how to limit and discourage the over-fertility of the mentally and physically defective.”  This is the same woman lauded as a hero by Planned Parenthood and many of its supporters.

So back to the film (**spoiler alert**).

Abby Johnson was raised in a pro-life household, but she says that she started acting immodestly in college – in terms of her language, her actions, and her clothing choices.  She eventually ended up getting pregnant by a boyfriend and he brought her in to have her first abortion.

She ended up pregnant again and this time it was earlier into her pregnancy, so they told her that she could take the RU-486 pill instead of having the baby suctioned out of her uterus.  They told her that within an hour of taking the pills, she would begin bleeding.  She expected it to be similar to a heavy menstrual flow.  How easy, right?

12 agonizingly painful hours later, she had blood clots the size of lemons falling out of her, which she needed to flush down the toilet.  The bleeding continued for months.

When she called Planned Parenthood because she thought that something had gone wrong, they acted as though her side effects were quite normal, despite the fact that they had prepared her for none of it.

How she ended up later working for Planned Parenthood after that experience is baffling, but it happened.  But before we go into that, Planned Parenthood applauds itself on its safety. I’m not sure how it’s considered safe or acceptable to give this pill to young women without fully explaining what they can expect.  I understand why they do it — fewer women would agree to take RU-486 if they really knew what it entailed– but how is there not more uproar about this?

It is common for women who take RU-486 to experience heavy bleeding, diarrhea, vomiting, and painful contractions. 2% of women hemorrhage and 1 out of every 100 require hospitalization.  This does not sound safe to me.

Fast forward to a day in college when Abby encountered a Planned Parenthood worker on her college campus.  Abby initially mentioned being raised pro-life, and the worker then explained all of the wonderful things that Planned Parenthood does for women.  They have a captivating sales pitch and Abby was hooked.

She started out as a volunteer escort, meeting the women at their cars to escort them into the clinic so that they would not have to hear from the pro-lifers standing outside of the fenced-off parking lot.

The director eventually promoted Abby and she became a counselor.  But she didn’t actually do much counseling.  Many people assume that Planned Parenthood provides women with every option: keeping the pregnancy, adoption, and lastly abortion.  Not quite.  She described her job as more akin to one of those people who sells time shares.

They would give the woman an ultrasound (although they would not let her see it; after all, they don’t want to risk that she would see the baby and realize that she was not ready for an abortion).  Then they would get into their sales pitch.  The ultrasound cost $150.  But if the woman scheduled an abortion on that day, that fee would be removed.  They would tell her how much cheaper an abortion would be if it happened sooner, explaining that waiting a week could end up costing $200 more.

Some of these women are teenagers (and younger).  They’re terrified.  Many are alone, hiding this information from their parents.  Many of their boyfriends have already left at that first positive pregnancy test.  They’re vulnerable and the last thing they need is a sales pitch.  They need compassion.

So it is no surprise that many of these girls and women would be convinced to have an abortion, even if they had doubts.  Abby’s job was not to refer adoption services.  Her job was to sell abortions, lying if necessary.

She had a difficult time selling the RU-486 method of abortions, however, since she knew how horrible her experience had been.  She was eventually reprimanded by her boss for being honest about the experience of medicinal abortions.  Planned Parenthood wanted to sell more of the RU-486 option.  It saved them money because no doctor was needed to perform a surgery.  The girl would simply take a pill while at the office and pop a few more once she went home.  Planned Parenthood did not need to pay a doctor for any of those visits.  Those girls did not even need to be seen by a doctor before taking those pills.

Abby received bonuses for hitting and exceeding her abortion quota.  Yes, despite what Planned Parenthood would like the world to believe, they have abortion goals.  One of the things that started making Abby rethink her career choice (after having been promoted to the status of clinic director) was when she went to a corporate meeting only to be told that she was expected to double her numbers of abortions sold from the previous year.

She had been under the assumption that the true goal of Planned Parenthood was to make abortions rare.  That was what she had always heard, but now she knew that was empty rhetoric.  Planned Parenthood makes their profits as a result of abortions.  No abortions, no planned parenthood necessary.  Do they offer other services to women? Sure, but those aren’t as profitable as abortion services.  And those can be done within many regular doctor’s offices, both OBGYNs and primary care physicians.

Despite her newfound hesitance about her job, Abby stayed at Planned Parenthood, amidst many warning signs that what was happening there was not safe or helpful to women.

Doctors knew that it was safer to perform abortions while using ultrasound equipment so that they could have an image of the fetus.  Planned Parenthood, however, knew that the use of an ultrasound would take 3 minutes longer per abortion.  They didn’t have time for that.  Time equals money, after all.  3 minutes lost is another living baby that could have been killed.

So Planned Parenthood had doctors that would perform abortions without an ultrasound.  They would blindly fish around the woman’s uterus to suck out the baby.  (Although I’m writing in past tense, this is still what occurs).  Sometimes they would accidentally tear the uterine wall since they had no visual.  This could cause heavy bleeding in the woman and even potential death, but they would not call 911.  They couldn’t risk bad press, after all.

Curious on how many women die from abortions and abortion-related side effects each year, or how many are hospitalized?  Me too.  But states are not required to report abortion information to the CDC.  The CDC website says that “states and areas voluntarily report data to CDC for inclusion in its annual Abortion Surveillance Report.”

If the world knew about all of these dirty secrets of Planned Parenthood, I would think that they would be up in arms.  Nothing that is happening within those walls is safe or progressive; it is savage.

Although this wasn’t in the film, Abby was asked in an interview whether it is true that Planned Parenthood sells the parts of aborted babies.  Yes.  It is.  And if you don’t believe me, you only need to do a quick Google search to find a variety of articles on the matter.

According to the Center for Medical Progress, Planned Parenthood admitted to “selling aborted baby body parts from Planned Parenthood of Orange & San Bernardino Counties for profit in violation of federal and California law.”  A 7.8 million dollar settlement followed.

What finally changed everything happened one day when a different abortionist was performing abortions in Abby’s clinic.  He had a different practice and was just filling in for the usual doctor.  Because of the improved safety, he insisted that an ultrasound be used during the abortion procedure, and he needed some help.  Abby, as clinic director, was the one called into the operating room.

When she saw the instrument entering the woman’s uterus in the ultrasound imaging, she noticed the baby jerking back.  She was shocked.  The baby was fighting for its life; something that she had never considered possible.

The doctor was ready and asked for the suction to be turned on.  Abby watched, in horror, as the baby fought against the tube, only to eventually be sucked into a glass jar, and later pieced back together by a staff member whose job it was to make sure that no baby parts were left inside of any woman.

Abby decided to leave Planned Parenthood that day.  She was done with all of the lies.  She knew that she was responsible for the deaths of over 22,000 babies.  She knew that she had lied to women who were about to take the RU-486 pill that they could simply expect some heavy bleeding.  She knew that she had lied about God’s forgiveness to women who were hesitant as a result of their faith, telling them that God would understand why they had to make this choice, and assuring them that He would forgive them.

And she was very promptly sued by Planned Parenthood because the organization was afraid of confidential information being released.  It’s quite ironic because Abby explains how she probably never would have gained attention if it wasn’t for Planned Parenthood’s lawsuit and press release against her.  Why, if an organization is truthful, would they be afraid of the things that a former employee might say?  If they know that their information is honest, they have nothing to hide.

Well, Planned Parenthood has a barrage of information to hide.  Fortunately, Abby won the lawsuit because Planned Parenthood had nothing against her.  And she has now devoted her life to the pro-life cause, especially helping women who work in abortion clinics.

Her non-profit organization, Abortion Worker, offers resources to women who are currently working in the abortion field and who want to get out.  They provide healing, confidential counseling, help with job searches, and even help with paying the bills in the interim between leaving their jobs and starting new ones.

I am so inspired by Abby Johnson and the great work she is doing for the pro-life movement and I was moved by the film Unplanned. I am so happy to hear how it is doing so well in its ratings and I pray that it leads to a mass conversion of hearts.

The film definitely has a call to action to those of us who call ourselves pro-life.  During college, I would sometimes spend my Saturday mornings going to Mass and then taking the hour drive to Pittsburgh to pray outside of the abortion clinic along with a large group of students.  I was trained as a sidewalk counselor (although my fear always kept me in the group of praying students rather than the one going up to the girls to speak to them about their options).

I graduated, moved home, and got busy with life.  Despite always being pro-life, for many years there wasn’t much I really did that was pro-life.  I was against abortion, but that was basically it.  I think that most pro-lifers and most Christians fall in to this  category.  We don’t agree with abortion, but we do nothing to actually stop it, other than maybe uttering a few prayers every now and then.

That is exactly what allows abortions to continue: our lack of action.  To win this battle, we must take action.

I listened to Abby Johnson’s testimony a few months ago and I was immediately called to do something.  I researched the local Planned Parenthood offices and found one about 30 minutes away from my home. It was a Saturday morning and I told my husband that I felt called to go there to pray outside of the clinic.  He agreed and we decided that if it was on our heart, we might as well go that day.

We drove there, rosary beads and miraculous medals in hand, ready to wage a spiritual battle.  He was hesitant since he had never been before, but now we try to go back every Saturday that we’re able to, inviting friends from Bible study and people we know from church.

Sometimes it feels like we’re not accomplishing anything.  There are “no trespassing” signs, so we can’t get very close to the door to the clinic.  We can’t really talk to the women entering.  But we can make eye contact with them through their passing cars.  We pray with the faith that God hears us and that hearts are changing.  We hear the beeping of the cars that pass us and honk their horns in support.

We know that Abby Johnson said she hated it when pro-lifers were outside of her clinic because the no-show rate would skyrocket.  Praying outside of the clinic, we have no idea how many lives we have saved, but we have the faith that something is happening.  If we allow just one woman to turn around and reconsider her decision, then we have been successful.  If we save one life, then that is a huge deal.

Today, everyone wants a feeling of accomplishment, and you might not get that praying outside of an abortion clinic.  You might be yelled at by a person who disagrees with your views.  You might never know whether a life was saved as a result of your efforts.  But that’s okay.  Just keep the faith that God is working through you.

I am incredibly passionate on this topic.  I just wish that the pro-lifers around me would hear the same call that I do and feel the same tug at their hearts.  I want mobs of people to show up with my husband and I each Saturday.  I want to see the Christian community gathering together in solidarity.

We need to stop acting as though everything is relative.  This “anything that makes you happy” mentality is absolute lunacy.  No.  Murdering an innocent human being is never justified.  There are absolute truths in the world.  There are rights and there are wrongs.  I will never agree that something is good simply because someone is happy as a result.  Happiness is not a barometer of morality.  (Sex, drugs, and alcohol all feel good and can lead to only momentary happiness).

Pro-lifers, we need to stop being so scared to stand up and do something. My husband and I have prayed outside of the clinic in miserable weather.  We’ve shivered under our layers of clothing, but wouldn’t we all do the same if we saw a dying child?  Wouldn’t we sacrifice some comfort then?

I don’t mean to say any of this to brag.  I should have gotten more involved much sooner.  It has taken me 10 years after graduating from college to finally be back on the sidewalk and I’m not proud of that fact.  But I’m there now and that’s what counts.  And I need you with me.

We go to the sidewalk with a packet of prayers and songs that I have compiled, but most importantly, information that I have found about local crisis pregnancy centers that will give women other options.  We go there not to judge, but to pray.  If a woman ever comes up to us, we will treat her with nothing but love and compassion.

Planned Parenthood wants you to believe that we’re these crazy extremists who scream out words like “murderer” while toting huge posters of graphic images of aborted babies.  That is not what we do.  We are there to show Christ’s love to a woman who is undeniably experiencing a difficult situation and who needs help and love.

Join us.  We can end abortion.  But we need you.  Doing nothing will only benefit the aggressor.

 

 

The Evils of Indifference

One of my favorite speeches to teach is Elie Wiesel’s “The Perils of Indifference.”  This speech was given on April 12, 1999 in Washington, D.C.  Elie Wiesel is the author of the book entitled Night.  He is a Holocaust survivor, political activist, and Nobel prize winner.

The message of his speech is that indifference is the greatest evil, even more than direct hatred.  That may sound confusing, but let me explain by pulling together quotes from his speech…

He starts off by remembering the day he was rescued, the day when the American soldiers entered his prison camp.  He “remembers their rage at what they saw” and he describes how he continues to feel grateful for that rage.

If the soldiers seemed unfazed upon entering the prison, that would show a lack of compassion.  That is the exact problem with many people today: their indifference.

I can tell people all about stories from my mission trips and although they are interested in the stories, they just don’t  care enough to donate money, volunteer, or get involved in any other way.  They believe that the people who are dying in other countries aren’t their problem.  They are indifferent.  Rather than feeling hatred at Joseph Kony or other genocidaires, they just ignore the problem and act like it doesn’t matter, or they say something about Africans being savages who cannot be saved.  This indifference is dangerous.

I think it is safe to assume that the majority of people on this globe suffer from indifference.  They are too concerned about the problems that only affect themselves and their inner circle of friends and family.  Anything outside of that circle simply isn’t their concern.

But that is exactly what allows evil to run rampant: a large group of people who don’t  care enough to do anything about these evils.

Wiesel continues his speech by emphasizing the gratitude he feels toward America for finally stepping in during the Holocaust.  He then defines indifference as, etymologically, “no difference,” proceeding to ask a few rhetorical questions about it.  Is it a virtue?  “Is it necessary at times to practice it simply to keep one’s sanity, live normally, enjoy a fine meal and a glass of wine, as the world around us experiences harrowing upheavals?”

But then he quickly provides a clear response: no.  It is not a virtue. He admits that it can be “tempting” and “seductive,” but to the person who is the victim of such indifference, it can mean life or death.  While the indifferent person enjoys his glass of wine, the people who are victims of mindless atrocities are losing their lives.

Now, I think that at times, some indifference may be necessary so as to not be constantly feeling depressed about the state of the world, or feeling that there is no hope.  I don’t think it is wrong for me to go out to dinner, go on a vacation, or enjoy my own life.  However, this is only true if I also do my part in tackling such indifference.  If I always ignore the problems of the world, as many people do, then I have a serious problem.

I travel on mission trips to try to improve the lives of those I serve, at least in small ways.  I make donations toward organizations that are out working in the trenches to improve our world.  I teach my students to be ethical, responsible citizens.  I’m not a perfect person, as I know that my acts of service are not able to entirely change the world.  But there are many American adults who never give a penny to charity, who have never volunteered (or stopped after they didn’t need it anymore for college applications).  It is these people who shouldn’t have the pleasure of enjoying that glass of wine with dinner, forgetting about the children who are being raped and maimed at the hand of sadistic leaders who continue to get away with murder (literally) because nobody has stopped them.

“To be indifferent to that suffering is what makes the human being inhuman.”  

Sometimes, I feel completely overwhelmed by the problems of the world.  There are so many horrible problems that I wish I could solve.  Poverty.  Hunger.  Malnutrition.  Lack of access to clean water.  Sex trafficking.  Slavery.  Addiction.  Abortion.  Euthanasia.  A disregard for the sanctity of life at all stages.  Pornography.  Global warming.  The extinction of animal species.  Healthcare.  Racism.  The justice system.  The war on drugs.  Homelessness.  And on and on and on.

I cannot fathom how so many people live their lives without ever consider the people who suffer on a daily basis.  I probably donate more money and volunteer more hours than many Americans, but I still sometimes feel guilty when too much time has passed since I felt I made a significant contribution toward the betterment of society.  I just don’t understand how people can spend five hours each night watching Netflix and never feel ashamed by their wasted time.  It can make them almost inhuman because of their complete disregard for humanity.

Wiesel says that indifference “is more dangerous than anger and hatred.”  That may sound surprising.  Isn’t it the bigot who is worse than the person who ignores the problem?  Isn’t it the rapist who is more evil than the bystander?

No.  Because the bystander it a good person who is allowing that rape to take place.  That bystander knows that what he is witnessing is wrong, but he is too concerned about his own safety to help the victim.  I’m not making excuses at all, but maybe the rapist is high on drugs and not fully aware of his actions.  Maybe the rapist has a mental illness.  None of that excuses the rape, but if the bystander is aware of the evil that is taking place, doesn’t he have an obligation to help?  If he knows it is wrong and does nothing, then he might as well be an accomplice.  Society can agree that the rapist is evil.  The bystander, however, has now also become evil if he does nothing.

Take this 2010 story from The New York Post as an example.  A homeless man in Queens saved a woman from a man who was attacking her with a knife, only to be attacked himself.  Surveillance footage shows him lying in a pool of blood while 25 bystanders walk by.  He saved the woman and was attacked himself some time around 5:40am, only to be found by firefighters at 7:23am.  Were his wounds fatal at 5:40?  I don’t know, but by 7:23 he was dead.

Those bystanders should feel partially responsible for his death.  They didn’t have to face any danger to save this man’s life (or at least attempt to).  They could have just taken out their phone and dialed 911.  Was that too much effort for them?  Was it simply easier to turn their head and walk away?

This isn’t just the case in America.  A Chinese girl was run over by a truck and there is video footage of witnesses doing nothing.  In the very beginning of Peter Singer’s TED Talk, “The Why and How of Effective Altruism,” he shows the video.  People walk right past her body and do nothing, to the point that she is run over again before a man finally helps, though it is too late.  She is dead.

This is why indifference is more dangerous than hatred.  That doesn’t mean that murderers and rapists are good, but they are fewer in number than those who are indifferent.  The murderer is still committing an evil crime, but there are times when it has only occurred as a result of good people doing nothing.  They are facilitating the murder.

“Indifference is always the friend of the enemy, for it benefits the aggressor — never his victim, whose pain is magnified when he or she feels forgotten.”  Hitler would have loved those who were indifferent.  Why?  Because they weren’t stopping him.  No, they may not have been directly killing people, but indirectly, they were aiding the process.

Martin Luther King Jr., in his letter from Birmingham Jail, asserts that “the people of ill will have used time much more effectively than the people of good will. We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the vitriolic words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.”

It is easy to condemn the extremists whose horrible actions are broadcast all over the news.  But they are in the minority.  The majority of the world is comprised of good people who are silent.  They are people who are good, but timid.  People who are cowardly when it matters the most.

It is their silence that allows evil to continue.  There’s a line from William Shakespeare’s play, The Tragedy of Julius Caesar that reads “cowards die many times before their death; the valiant taste of death but once.”  Every time we good people are silent when we know that we must do something, we are “dying” to ourselves.  We’re too afraid to stand up for truth, for justice, for humanity.

“Indifference, then, is not only a sin, it is a punishment.”  If I act indifferently, I don’t just ignore the child soldier; I punish him even more by allowing his captors to keep him in that position without facing resistance.

If I am indifferent, I continue buying those diamond rings, thereby allowing the blood diamond industry to continue and to make profit from me.  Rather than helping those who are suffering, I am abetting the enemy.

Elie Wiesel says how the Holocaust consisted of three types of people: victims, killers, and bystanders.  Which group was the worst?

Most people would quickly say it was the killers.  But by sheer number, there were many more bystanders who were doing nothing.  Such bystanders could have stopped the killers before the extermination of millions of Jews.  But they didn’t.  That is the problem of indifference.

To me, the most heartbreaking moment of Wiesel’s speech is when he says how “our only miserable consolation was that we believed that Auschwitz and Treblinka were closely guarded secrets. If they knew, we thought, surely those leaders would have moved heaven and earth to intervene. They would have spoken out with great outrage and conviction. They would have bombed the railways leading to Birkenau, just the railways, just once.”

He and his fellow prisoners believed that the world didn’t know about their plight.  They thought it was a huge secret because surely, somebody would have stepped in if they had known, wouldn’t they?

But that wasn’t the case.  America knew.  Other nations knew.  But their indifference took hold.

Wiesel brings up something that we never learn about in American history classes.  He explains what happened with the St. Louis.  It was a ship that was carrying almost 1,000 Jews to safety in 1939.  They were going to enter Cuba and then the United States with visas that they had previously applied for.  The quick version of the story is the fact that this ship was turned away.  28 passengers were allowed to disembark, but Cuba refused to allow that for the rest of the passengers.  The boat was sent back to Europe.  Wiesel says he doesn’t understand why Roosevelt allowed that to take place.  He proceeds to ask numerous rhetorical questions:

“Why the indifference, on the highest level, to the suffering of the victims?”

“Why was there a greater effort to save SS murderers after the war than to save their victims during the war?”

“Why did some of America’s largest corporations continue to do business with Hitler’s Germany until 1942?”

It all comes down to indifference, which is still a problem today.  I wrote a blog a while back entitled Hard Work and Determination Aren’t Always Enough.  After posting it on Facebook, I knew that some people would disagree. But worse than those who blatantly disagree are those who are indifferent.  Those who don’t care about the plight of the black race in America.

We must rally up good people who have the courage to stand up against the evils of this world.  Too many people feel like they can’t really elicit major change.  While that may be true at times, think of all the change that would occur if every indifferent person spent even a small amount of time fighting back.  This whole world would change.

The recent abortion laws have been my most recent frustration.  I believe that abortion is an evil that must be fought.  There are thousands of people in the United States who agree with me.  The problem is that they would rather not ruffle feathers.

They will tell me how horrible abortion is, but when I ask them to become involved in Pro-Life work, they sheepishly back away.

When I offer that they can come pray outside of the abortion clinic with me, they suddenly stop responding to my messages.

So although they call themselves “pro-life,” are they really?  They may think that they are, but in reality, they’re just helping the abortionists to continue the work that they are doing.

If we want the world to change, we need armies of people standing up against the evils.  We need groups of indifferent people realizing that they must end their indifference and use their courage for good.

Elie Wiesel was grateful that the soldiers who entered his prison camp showed rage.  He needed to see that people had realized the evil that was taking place during the Holocaust.

Let us all give up our indifference, even if only for short periods of time. Together, we can change the world.

 

30 Years of Memories

I turned 30 on Friday.  I don’t know if it’s really hit me yet.  30.  Like 3-0.  Like I am no longer in my twenties.  I’m an actual adult, and although this has been the case for over ten years, it still doesn’t feel as though that is the case.

When I turned 28, I wrote a blog called “28 Things I’ve Learned in 28 Years” and they are still true today, so rather than writing about my 30 years of wisdom, I wanted to write out 30 years of memories.  Now, I don’t have memories from when I was a baby or toddler, so rather than writing something for each year, I am going to write about 30 memories that stand out in my mind.

1. Long Beach Island vacations with my mom

Every year since I can remember, we spent time in LBI.  After she was divorced, we spent time at LBI at the house my grandparents rented, but as soon as she was able to, we started going to LBI for yearly vacations, usually around my birthday.

2. Growing up in Candlewood Shores

I loved growing up so close to the lake.  I spent tons of time at the beach, swimming in the lake, kayaking, and walking my dog around the neighborhood.  During the winter, I would go sledding in my yard or on the hill at the end of my dead-end road.

3. Frost Valley adventures with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins

Also every year since I remember, I have been going to Frost Valley with some of my family members for a long weekend in January.  I have so many memories of the great times I’ve had at Frost Valley.  Tubing, cross country skiing, hiking, using the low ropes course, the cable bridges, exploring, building snowmen, hiking to the observatory.

4. Myrtle Beach vacations

I went to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina three times with my aunt, uncle, and two cousins.  Going to the beach, boogie boarding, swimming in the pool, hunting for hermit crabs in the gullies at night, getting ice cream, playing mini-golf.

5. Family parties

I was always excited to attend frequent family parties.  My favorite were those that took place in the summer at the marina where my grandparents kept their boat.  We would swim, barbecue, and go out for boat rides.  I am grateful that my family has always been so close, getting together for birthdays, Christmas Eve and Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, you name it.

6. Birthdays

Having a summer birthday, I always felt like my birthday lasted forever.  I would have a birthday party with my friends, and then I would also have other birthday celebrations with my family and at Long Beach Island with my mom.

7. Getting Adam Sandler’s autograph

Adam Sandler came to Connecticut to shoot part of the film, Mr. Deeds.  Fun fact of the day: Winchestertonfieldville, Iowa is actually a town called New Milford.  And the film was set in the winter, but it was shot in June, so the film crew had to make fake snow each day.

My mom and I went to see part of the filming and we stood in line for hours waiting for Adam Sandler’s autograph.  My mom also got to meet Peter Gallagher and she saw Winona Ryder.

8. Butterscotch

I remember begging my mom for years to get a dog.  Finally, on my sixteenth birthday at Long Beach Island, my mom surprised me by telling me that her gift to me was going to be a dog.  It took a little while to find the right one, but when we entered that shelter in Monroe, I fell in love with Butterscotch immediately.  My mom was a bit unsure since he really wasn’t excited to see us or play with us.  I think that he was just too hot since it was August.  But he ended up becoming a significant member of our family.  We had ten awesome years with Butterscotch.  I wish I could have had a few more, but I will always remember the memories of that cute little guy, and all of the places we went like Kent Falls and Tarrywile.

9. Anti-Prom Party

I know that my mom still regrets my decision to skip my senior prom (or any other high school dance, for that matter), but I do not.  My friends and I had an anti-prom party, which consisted of going to the playground, going out to dinner for pizza, going to Il Bacio’s for ice cream, and then watching movies and having a sleepover.

10. Steubenville East retreat with my youth group

Although I hated my mom for forcing me to go, Steubenville East was the pivotal turning point in my faith journey.  It was there that I decided to devote my life to Christ, and also the time during which I realized that I had an interest in Franciscan University, even though the distance terrified me.

11. My first flight to the Dominican Republic with my mom

Once I knew that I would be attending Franciscan, my mom wanted me to get on an airplane in case I ever had to fly home from college.  As it turns out, I did fly home twice from college (once to attend my goddaughter’s baptism and once to go to a Lyme disease specialist).  So my mom planned a trip to DR to celebrate her 50th birthday and to get me on an airplane.  I was extremely scared on the flight, and I still don’t exactly enjoy flying, but I’m happy to have conquered my fear since I now travel quite a bit.

12. Franciscan University of Steubenville

I’m so grateful for the education that I received from Franciscan – not just in terms of the teaching pedagogy but also my faith formation.  I was fully prepared to enter the classroom after graduating thanks to the fabulous faculty members at Franciscan and their strong education program. And in terms of Franciscan’s passionate Catholicism, I don’t know where I would be today in my faith journey if it were not for Franciscan.

13. Becoming a Godmother

My goddaughter, Abby, was born during my freshman year of college, so I flew home to go to her baptism.  I can’t believe how old she has gotten and how quickly time is passing.

14. Getting Lyme Disease

I was on a walking pilgrimage in New Jersey and Pennsylvania with my youth group.  I loved the experience, but a week later, I was as sick as a dog, unsure what was wrong with me.  Once starting my sophomore year at Franciscan, I learned that I had Lyme, which is relatively treatable in most people.  Little did I know how much it would change my life, turning into chronic Lyme.  But I have grown in many ways as a result of the Lyme, so although I don’t necessarily embrace it, I see how God has used it to form and strengthen me.

15. ResQ

I can’t really remember how I wrote my first rap, but I just randomly found a beat, wrote a rap, and eventually met Oscar (aka II X).  We recorded six songs together during my years at Franciscan and we performed at three coffeehouses.

16. First mission trip in Ecuador

I had been scheduled to study abroad in Austria, but had to cancel as a result of the Lyme disease since I would not be able to bring enough antibiotics into Europe to last me for an entire semester.  Looking back, I am so happy that I never made it to Austria because if I had, I would have never been able to sign up for a spring break mission trip.  Ecuador was a tough trip — definitely the most grueling mission trip I have yet to experience, but I also found my love for the missions field while there.  We hiked for hours through the mud, carrying heavy backpacks, guitars, and bags full of medical supplies.  We brought doctors, nurses, and priests into remote, jungle areas outside of Misahualli to serve the people.  We set up medical clinics, played with the children, prayed with the communities, had Masses and baptisms, and spent time with the people.

17. First Year of Teaching in Bridgeport, CT

It was a crazy year: starting at Paul Laurence Dunbar School, teaching 7th and 8th grade reading and language arts only to be transferred in October to Central High School to teach 9th and 10th grade due to overcrowded classes.

18. Traveling to San Diego, California

After graduating from Franciscan, I missed my two closest friends, Lizzy and Amy.  Lizzy lived in Virginia and Amy lived in California.  For spring break, I flew out to San Diego to visit Amy and her housemates and fellow Franciscan alumni, Kara and Lea.  Lizzy also flew out and it was so nice getting to see everyone again while exploring beautiful San Diego.

19. Four Years of Teaching in Danbury, CT

I loved working in Bridgeport, but had to switch jobs due to a budget crisis that took place the year that I was hired.  Little did I know that Danbury High School had group of staff members that were incredibly welcoming.  I absolutely loved my four years in Danbury and it was extremely difficult when I decided to leave that job to move to New Jersey.  I remember the tears I shed walking out the doors for the last time and I still miss my fellow colleagues there, but I am very happy teaching in Long Branch now.

20. Traveling to Brazil to meet my sister and Brazilian family

After my sister messaged me on Facebook back in 2012, I was excited to plan a trip to Brazil to finally meet my family.  I went there during Christmas break and it was a whirlwind of a trip.  We had 11 flights in 10 days, traveling to Manaus, Cruzeiro do Sul, and Rio de Janeiro.  I met my sister and her fiance at the time, my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents.  My grandpa died not too long after my trip to Brazil, so I am thankful that I was able to meet him before his passing.  Since then I have traveled to Brazil twice: once for my sister’s wedding and once for my grandmother’s 99th birthday.

21. Teaching Trip in Haiti

A fellow teacher at DHS informed me about a trip for teachers to Port-au-Prince where they needed teachers to provide professional development to teachers in Haiti through Project Teach.  Many teachers in Haiti only have a high school education, so we taught them how to utilize more engaging strategies.  Since I had only been teaching for three years at the time, it was incredibly humbling to be providing professional development to the class of teachers in front of me.  One of the men had been teaching for 35 years and yet he was eager to hear every strategy I had to share.

22. Running a marathon

After getting Lyme, I was determined that I would start running once my health improved.  I first signed up for a half marathon and then my first full marathon.  Since then, I have completed 5 half marathons, two full marathons, two Spartan Beasts, one super Spartan, three Spartan sprints,  one Tough Mudder, two Belmar Five Milers, and one 10-K.

23. Seeing Eminem in concert

Eminem has been my favorite musician since some time around eighth grade when I was finally allowed to buy his CDs once we found the edited versions at FYE. When I heard that he was coming to perform with Rihanna at MetLife Stadium for their Monster Tour, I knew that I had to go.  I spent more than I would ever spend again on a concert to go and then arrived super early on the day of the concert to ensure that I would be in the front row since my section was standing room only.

24. Moving to New Jersey

The timeline was crazy.  Go to the last interview for Long Branch and accept the job offer.  Find an apartment in under a week.  Go on a mission trip to Rwanda.  Pack up my apartment in Danbury and fill a U-Haul.  Drive to Jersey to begin my new teacher professional development day at Long Branch while living out of a spare bedroom at my ex-boyfriend’s parents’ house while I wait for my apartment to be ready.  Leave work to meet my mom and uncle at my house with the U-Haul to begin unloading.  Go to my first day of work while my house is a mess of boxes.

25. Scoring AP exams

I traveled to Kansas City, Missouri for my first year scoring AP exams and I was really excited to get to room with my friend from DHS and to see my friend, Kristin, who was a zookeeper at the Kansas City Zoo.  I’ve also had the opportunity to travel to Tampa, Florida, twice for AP scoring.  I have learned so much through my years of scoring and it always helps me to improve my teaching practice.

26. Mission trip to Nicaragua with Living Water International

I went to Nicaragua for a week to help drill a well for a community that lacked access to clean water.  We also provided hygiene lessons, played with the kids, and did arts and crafts with the women and children while the men were working on drilling the well.  Our translator was sick, so I also helped to translate Bible stories into Spanish, despite the fact that I hadn’t really been practicing my Spanish much.

27. Becoming a part of Young Adults in Faith

I had been wanting to start a Catholic young adult group at my church in Belmar, but our parish doesn’t have that many young adults.  I met Gabriella, a Catholic DJ who soon became a close friend.  She invited me to Bible study and holy hour and I became a member of Young Adults in faith, which has been such a blessing.  Through the group, I have formed great friendships and that is also where I met AJ.

28.  Mission trip to Rwanda with Go Be Love International

I had always wanted to travel to Africa, so I was extremely excited about having the opportunity to volunteer there.  We traveled to Gisenyi, which borders Lake Kivu, Bugesera, where some of the most poor Rwandans live and Kigali, the capital of the country.  We volunteered our time, shared our love, and we visited the Genocide Memorial Museum to keep everything in perspective.  And then I stayed two extra days to meet Patience, my sponsored child, and to go gorilla trekking.

29.Mission trip to Uganda with Go Be Love International

Last summer I traveled again with Go Be Love, but this time to Uganda, where we visited a children’s prison, volunteered with Sole Hope to remove jiggers and provide people with a pair of shoes that had been made from jeans that were donated and cut by myself and my students at Long Branch, and we volunteered at Amani Baby Cottage.

30. My relationship with AJ

When was your first date?  People sometimes ask that, but we never really had one.  We met at Bible study, initially not considering a relationship at all.  I thought AJ was a lot younger than me.  He thought that I was into the dating scene and interested in older guys.  But during Bible study, we noticed some similarities, especially regarding working out and our love for spending time outside.  The first time we hung out together was to go kayaking.  Then we went hiking at Hartshorne Park (one of the most fun days ever) and out to dinner at Mr. Shrimp for Restaurant Week.  Then we went to the movies to see Hacksaw Ridge.  Soon we were hanging out all of the time.  Eventually, I went to the Poconos with him for his friend, Sway’s birthday, and I guess the rest is history.

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I have so many other memories, but these are the ones that came to mind the most quickly.  30 years of adventures, and so many more still in store.

 

 

2017: My Year in Review

As I’ve done for the past three years (2014, 2015, 2016), here is my 2017 year in review.  Last year, I was incredibly thankful for having met my new friends from Bible study and starting a new relationship.  Now, I have even more to be grateful for this year.  So here is what happened since last year:

January:

-AJ and I rang in the new year at Devin and Elise’s wedding in Connecticut

-Then we went hiking at Lover’s Leap in New Milford, CT and Kent Falls in Kent, CT the next day

-Frost Valley in Claryville, NY

-I met up with Lizzy in Philadelphia since she was there for clinicals for vet school (before graduating in May!!!)

-Camden Aquarium with AJ

-Hiking with AJ and Bolt in Freehold

February:

-Hiking at Lover’s Leap in New Milford, CT again with AJ

-Grandma’s birthday party

-Valentine’s Day dinner at Rooney’s in Long Branch

-Going to Absecon Lighthouse, the Atlantic City Boardwalk, and Lucy the Elephant in Margate with AJ, Sway, and Denielle

March:

-My mom’s birthday

April:

-Escape room in Freehold with AJ, Daniel, and Brady

-AJ’s 25th birthday party

-United States Marine Corps Educator Workshop in Parris Island, South Carolina

-Sway’s Confirmation at the Easter Vigil

-Easter in Connecticut

-Hiking at Bushkill Falls for AJ’s birthday

-Finishing the Spartan Beast with AJ in Vernon, NJ

May:

-Bible study at the Freehold Mall

-Battleship USS New Jersey in Camden

-Father Larry’s talk with Bible study

-Abby & Lauren’s Irish step dancing recital

-My cousin Lauren’s first communion

June:

-Scoring AP exams in Tampa, Florida

July:

-Acro yoga in my back yard

-4th of July in Connecticut for my grandpa’s birthday

-Vacation in LBI with my mom

Barnegat Lighthouse

-Churrascaria for my early 29th birthday dinner

-Acro yoga attempt #2 in my back yard

-Volunteering in Uganda with Go Be Love International.  Sole Hope in Jinja

-Free day at the Nile River

August:

-Volunteering with Go Be Love International at Amani Baby Cottage in Jinja

September:

-Phil and Marissa’s wedding in Pennsylvania

-Chris and Grace’s wedding in Pennsylvania

-Visiting Franciscan University for the first time since I graduated 7 years ago

October:

-Jersey Shore Half Marathon in Sandy Hook

-Getting engaged on October 9th

-Connecticut for a family party

-Pro-Life dinner at Doolan’s in Spring Lake

-Lizzy visited & we went Halloween bowling

November:

-AJ’s cousin, Jared, took engagement photos for us

-Celebrated Thanksgiving with AJ’s family in Somerset, NJ

-Hiking at Hartshorne Park

 

December:

-Christmas Eve in Connecticut at Grandma & Grandpa’s house

-Christmas Day in Connecticut: morning at Grandma & Grandpa’s house, shoveling snow, and then Christmas Day at Aunt Suzi & Uncle Bob’s house

-Young Adults in Faith Christmas celebration at St. Robert’s in Freehold

2017 was a great year.  Looking back at January, when AJ and I had only been together for a month, I never expected that by New Year’s Eve, we would be planning a wedding, figuring out where we want to live, and having intense conversations about the future.  So much can change in one year and I am thrilled to see what 2018 entails.

I thank God for all of His abundant blessings and pray for an amazing 2018.

 

 

God’s Perfect Love Story

It’s amazing how much life can change over the course of one year and how God’s plans are far superior to our own plans.

Back in October of 2016, I was finally feeling joy again after a rough start to that year.  I was thankful for my apartment right by the beach, for my career as a high school English teacher, and for my Bible study, which I had found just a few months back.

Everything was going well.  While out for a run with my friend, Gabriella, I had commented to her about how I was really content with my life.  She immediately replied, “You know what that means, don’t you?”  She explained how I would probably find a new relationship since I wasn’t actively seeking one.  I laughed and shrugged it off.

But as the weeks passed, I found myself drawn to AJ every time we would meet at our weekly Thursday night Bible study.

The first time I met AJ at Bible study, I actually had him pegged as a dumb jock.  He speaks somewhat slowly, so I just pictured the stereotypical attractive football player who has little intelligence.  I didn’t even know his name.  His friend, Sway, introduced him as “Gaines,” so it actually took me a few weeks of Bible study before I learned that his name was AJ…and months before I knew that his actual name was Alan.  

How wrong I turned out to be with my dumb jock assumptions.  Once he opened his mouth about the Scriptures, I knew that he had a phenomenal knowledge of the Bible.

As weeks passed, I noticed how similar we were, primarily how we both had to work at finding a balance between our careers, our workouts, and our faith journeys.  I was impressed when AJ told me about the commitment that he made to God, promising that he would not work out for more time in any given day than he had spent in prayer.  That blew me away.  

After previous failed relationships, I had started to doubt that I would ever find a guy who was quite as interested in his faith as I was.  And yet here I was, feeling completely humbled by AJ.  I knew that in all of my marathon training, there were many days when I had run for two or three hours, but I definitely had not also spent two or three hours in prayer with God.  I actually felt intimidated by AJ and his faith, even unworthy at times, not thinking that I was holy enough to push him further in his faith journey.

I started looking forward to Bible study even more than I previously had, always hoping to be in AJ’s group when we would split up, or trying to sit near him during dinner.  However, AJ seemed to be a lot younger than me.  I didn’t really know his background, but I knew that he was studying for his physical therapy boards after having recently graduated from college.  I assumed that he was around 22 years old.  I was 28 at the time, so I viewed him as the cute guy at Bible study who I had a bit of a crush on, knowing that nothing would ever come of it.

Wrong, once again.

Yes, he had only recently graduated from college, but that’s because he was earning his doctorate for physical therapy.  Once I learned that and knew that he was only four years younger than me, I was even more interested in him.

On October 8th, I went to Catholic Underground in New York City with some of my friends from Bible study.  AJ was just a few weeks away from his boards for physical therapy, so he was studying during the drive up to NYC.  I was sitting next to him in the back seat, quizzing him on his notes and also chatting about life to him and the rest of our group.

During adoration, I noticed that he took out his phone.  Initially, I totally judged him, wondering what could be so important that he would look at his phone during adoration.  Then I realized that he was actually looking up the words to the Hillsong United song, “Touch the Sky,” which was being played.  And then I I noticed how he was singing aloud — something that isn’t that common among the Catholic men I see at any given Sunday Mass.

At the end of the night, I told AI that I would pray for his boards and he told me that he would pray for my upcoming marathon.  It turned out that these significant events were both happening during the same week: my marathon on October 23rd and his exam on October 27th.

We didn’t talk much outside of Bible study at that point because we didn’t even have each other’s numbers.  He sent me a private message on Slack, the app our Bible study uses to inform everyone about our events.  He said that he hoped that my race went well (but he was a little early, so I thanked him and explained the actual date of my race), and I promised him that I would pray for his exam.

I always try to pray for people when they need me to, but often I forget to pray at the exact right moment when their test or other significant event is happening.  Not this time.  I couldn’t believe how many times I thought of AJ and his exam on October 27th.  Even while I was at work, I kept thinking about the test and how he was doing, saying a little prayer every time I remembered.

October 27th was a Thursday, so we had Bible study that night.  He came late since he was busy that day, but I remember feeling so excited to see him since I had prayed for his test so much that day.  We didn’t really get to talk, but I was so hopeful that he would pass.

The following Thursday, November 3rd, I hosted Bible study at my apartment.  It turned out that a larger group than normal was available that night, so we faced a good problem: too many people here for Bible study.  I made penne a la vodka with chicken and squished 15 of us into my living room.

It was a very warm fall last year, so I was always looking for people to come kayaking with me.  I posted an open invitation on Slack, but I did secretly hope that AJ might take me up on my offer for anyone to join me for kayaking.  He responded that he was interested, so we exchanged numbers, waiting for a nice day to kayak.
Before we actually had time to go kayaking, my friend, Kate, invited a bunch of us to go to a bar crawl in Asbury Park to raise money for the Covenant House on November 5th.  I don’t drink at all, so a bar crawl was not very high on my list of desired things to do, but I was excited that I would get to spend time with Kate and Gabriella, and I was hoping that AJ might come as well.  Gabriella and I planned to bike to Asbury, so I was excited to at least have fun with her and Kate.

In the end, the bar crawl was great.  AJ and I talked here and there throughout the day, but we also spent time talking to other friends.  I was able to catch up with some of my teammates from a relay race that we had completed in August.  

Then we got to the last bar, Johnny Mac’s, and some of the bar crawl crew had gone home for the night.  There was an outdoor bar that had these huge heaters blasting (it was November in New Jersey, after all), but nobody wanted to sit directly under the heaters because it was so hot.  Well, I quickly learned that both AJ and I love being hot.  We sat at the bar under those heaters for a long time, just chatting and getting to know each other.  I knew for sure at that point that I was interested in him, and I was hoping that the feelings were mutual, but I really wasn’t sure.  I’ve always been pretty terrible at knowing when guys are interested in me.

Soon after that night, we were started hanging out together pretty often, since I was free every afternoon after work and AJ hadn’t yet gotten hired as a physical therapist since he was waiting on his license to come in the mail.  It also helped that I had extra days off from work for teacher convention.

I’m so thankful for this time that we had because if he had already had a job when we first met, we never would have been able to hang out.  God’s perfect timing was definitely at work.

On Tuesday, November 8th, AJ and I got to go kayaking on Shark River when I got out of work.  We kayaked and talked and had a really good time.  The following day, Wednesday, we went to see the movie Hacksaw Ridge.  I remember texting Gabriella about it, unsure whether or not it was a date, not knowing whether I should pay for my own ticket or not.  In the end, he planned to get to the theater before me to get the tickets, so I just figured he would get the tickets.  But then we both showed up at exactly the same time, so when the cashier called him up, I just let him purchase both of our tickets.  He told me later on that he did not intend the movies to be a date, but he realized that I may have thought that when I let him pay.  Regardless, it was a great movie.  

On Thursday, we had a young adult Mass at my church, followed by fellowship at a local bar, Anchor Tavern.  

Because I was one of the people organizing the event, I didn’t have time to talk to AJ because I had to walk over to Anchor Tavern first to make sure that the reserved tables had been set up for us.

I sat at a table, just hoping that AJ would end up near me.  That event had a great turnout, with over 20 of us at the bar and many more who attended the Mass.  AJ did, in fact, sit near me.  This time, I really felt like he was interested in me, even though I was still a bit unclear on the whole situation.  

The next day, Friday, we went hiking at Hartshorne Park in Atlantic Highlands.  Unfortunately, AJ didn’t have his own car at this point.  He had to borrow his brother’s car, so we were only able to hike for a short time before he needed to return the car.

Then on Saturday, a group of us from Bible study were driving to the campus ministry house at Rider University to film this video.  That was the fifth consecutive day that AJ and I had been together.

Some time during that week I had talked to Gabriella, completely unsure whether or not he was interested in me.  I felt like he had to be since we were spending so much time together, but at the same time, he would always just say goodbye when he left, not really hugging me goodbye or anything.

The following week, we went kayaking again on Wednesday, November 16th.  At one point, though, he mentioned a friend who may have been interested in someone else at Bible study and he said how he didn’t want Bible study to become a singles group.  When he said that, I was really confused.  Did he direct that towards me, trying to show me that we were just buddies and that no relationship would come out of all of our hang-outs?  Or did he just mean that he didn’t want his friend to come to Bible study with the sole purpose of finding at mate?  I was extremely confused.

On Thursday, we had Bible study Friendsgiving.  I had to arrive late since it was the same night as parent-teacher conferences, but I was glad that I got to at least come to part of it.

Then on Friday, we had a holy half hour in Freehold, followed by fellowship at Moore’s Tavern.  It was pretty loud in the bar that night, so it was difficult to talk to people.  Every time AJ tried to talk to me, he put his hand on my back to pull me closer to him so that we could hear each other.  I remember how tingly his touch felt every time he put his hand on the small of my back.

We talked about Spartan races and I told him about one that I was planning to sign up for.  He was interested and said that he was going to look into signing up for the same race.  He said that he could help me to increase my strength and I could help him to get back into a running routine.  He reminded me that Spartan training came with one stipulation — that he would not work out for more hours a day than he spent in prayer or at church.  I thought that was incredible.

He also invited me to go to a party that his parents were throwing for him the following weekend to celebrate his graduation and passing the boards.  Later on, I asked Gabriella if she had been invited.  When she said no, I was pretty confident that he had invited me because he was interested in me.

The following weekend, on Saturday, November 20th, we helped Kate deliver Thanksgiving baskets to families in need.  Then AJ and I went to Twin Lights in Highlands, before hiking for a really long time again at Hartshorne.  It was absolutely one of the most fun days that I had ever had.  We had so much fun doing such ridiculous things and making up silly games.  We ran through the reeds, played hide and seek, climbed fallen trees, played balancing games, Simon Says, you name it.

Then we created a game where one of us would close our eyes and the other person would try to lead us through the woods.  We were in a really thick part of the woods, so it was relatively difficult to navigate alone, let alone helping another person.  It was hilarious and we had a great time.

We were there for hours, ultimately hiking five and a half miles (partially because we thought we were going in a loop, but when we got to a dead end, we had to go back the entire way).

Afterward, we were starving for dinner, but we were both filthy from hours of hiking.  It was Jersey Shore Restaurant Week, so we ended up going to Mr. Shrimp for dinner, despite our filth.  Dinner was also hilarious because we kept finding random leaves and branches stuck to our clothing or in our hair.  My diary entry on that day says, “It was such a blast,  I have a feeling he’s going to end up being my next boyfriend but I still want to wait for him to take the lead.  I guess we shall see what happens.”

The following Saturday, November 27th, was his graduation party at his house.  I was a little bit nervous since I had never met his family or friends, and I only knew three people who were going to be there.  It was really fun though.  

During the bonfire, somehow the topic of blood diamonds came up and AJ said how he never wanted to buy a diamond.  I was absolutely blown away.  He was the first person I had ever met who even knew about blood diamonds.  I had been saying for years that I never wanted to own a diamond.  There were just so many things that AJ and I had in common — even our distaste for diamonds.

Later, people started leaving, but he asked if our friends, Sway and Denielle, wanted to stay so that the four of us could play some games, so we played Blokus and Scattergories.  Eventually, Sway and Denielle were also leaving and I really wanted to stay to talk to AJ for a bit since we hadn’t been able to talk much during his party, but it was already getting late.  Fortunately, AJ felt the same exact way.  He has a dog named Bolt who is very mean to most people other than his immediate family.  Knowing my love for dogs, though, he asked if I wanted him to introduce me to his dog.  Of course I excitedly agreed.

I guess I’m a pet whisperer or something, because Bolt was initially scared, but let me pet him.  Eventually, he came right up to me, licking my hand and everything.  AJ couldn’t believe it because Bolt is usually so mean to everyone he encounters.  

AJ and I ended up talking on his couch for hours, before he finally kissed me for the first time.  It’s funny looking back, because I felt like we had been hanging out for such a long time before he kissed me, but really the first time we had hung out together without other friends from Bible study was November 8th, so it was only about three weeks later.  I think it felt like more time than that since there were many times when we hung out for four or five days in a row.

I don’t usually kiss guys who I’m not in a relationship with, but I remember being happy that he kissed me.  He made it clear that we were dating and not seeing other people.  But he wasn’t officially my boyfriend just yet.

We signed up for the Spartan Beast in April.  Looking back, I’m really surprised that I did that because we could have realized that we weren’t right for each other between November and April.  It could have made the race really awkward, but everything worked out just fine.

I can’t remember exactly how long we ended up hanging out and talking that night, but it was really late.  I think I only left his house around 5am, which is a big deal for me since I am not typically a night person.

After that night, we continued hanging out, volunteering, running, working out, and playing games together.

One night we went to look at the ice sculptures in Neptune before walking around Belmar to look at all of the Christmas lights.  We decided to take silly pictures imitating the sculptures.

Everything we did together was an absolute blast.  At this point, I started telling one of my coworkers about him and she said she’d wager that we would be engaged in 6 to 9 months.  I disagreed since we weren’t yet an official couple, but she just told me to wait and see.  It’s funny now, looking back on that conversation, because she had us pegged from the start.

In early December, AJ was hired as a physical therapist, so his life started to get really busy.  I am so thankful for all of the time that we had during the month of November because I didn’t realize how much that was about to change.

On the weekend of December 10th, one of our friends was having a birthday weekend celebration in the Poconos.  I only knew Sway from Bible study, but he had been AJ’s friend for years.  AJ invited me to come with a group of their friends to the Poconos.  I was initially really nervous about going since I didn’t really know their group of friends yet and I wasn’t sure about the sleeping situation.  I didn’t want to have to share a bed with AJ, but I wasn’t sure how much space there would be for everyone.  I also didn’t know how much drinking would be involved, since I am not interested in alcohol at all and I really hate being around drunk people.

In the end, the weekend was a ton of fun and I’m really glad that I went.  I got to know AJ’s friends better, go hiking in the Poconos, go swimming in the pool, and enjoy time with AJ before his life got super busy with work.

The first night, we slept on the kitchen floor in sleeping bags, but we were talking for such a long time that we looked at the clock at one point and realized that it was 6am.  Oops!  That day we went hiking for hours and I can’t believe that we even had the energy, considering our lack of sleep.

The second night, on December 11th, AJ made it official that I was his girlfriend.  I’m really happy how everything turned out.  I like the fact that we we met in Bible study and got to know each other through our discussions of the Scriptures, rather than on awkward first dates.  There was never a time that I was trying to act a certain way to impress him.  He even heard me talk about things I would rather have him not know about, like some conversations I had about previous relationships.  Initially, I didn’t expect to end up with AJ at all, so I didn’t really care what I talked about when I was at Bible study or with that group of friends, and I think the same was true for him.  We got to know the other person in an open, prayerful environment, which ended up being perfect.

We never really had a first date because initially we were hanging out kayaking and hiking, but it never really felt like a date.  We were just friends.  Then everything just developed into a relationship with the passing of time.

Fast forward a bit and now we are engaged, set to get married in August 2018.  It’s amazing all that has happened in the past year and I am so thankful that God allowed my path to cross AJ’s path.  We only had a short window of time to find each other between the start of Bible study and the start of AJ’s physical therapy job.

As I had become older and experienced more failed experiences, I think I had grown a bit cynical about relationships.  I expected to have to settle a bit, never expecting to find someone who was quite as faithful or adventurous as me.  I didn’t think I would find someone who has a passion for mission trips and volunteering.  I didn’t really believe that God had that perfect love story in my cards.  Boy, was I wrong.

Right now next year, I will be married to the most amazing man I know.  I am excited that I will get to call him my husband and that he will call me his wife.  Our short life on earth should be lived with one goal in mind: heaven.  There is nobody I would rather have beside me during that journey, pushing me to grow in holiness each and every day.

 

Uganda Part Two: Amani Baby Cottage

If you missed the first blog, you can find part one of my trip to Uganda here.

Lake Victoria / Nile River

On our free day (Saturday), we went shopping for souvenirs in downtown Jinja.  Then we went out to an Indian restaurant for lunch, followed by a boat ride.

The boat ride started out on Lake Victoria.  We saw some prisons that have land that leads right into the water, but there were no fences.  Our guide told us that 96% of Ugandans are unable to swim, so they know that the prisoners will not escape.

We also saw fish farms in the middle of the lake where tilapia are harvested.

We stopped at a fishing village where we walked around and saw all of these little silver fish that they were drying out in the sun.

All of the children in the village were excited to see us, and they cried out, “mzungu!” (“white person!”)  They all wanted to hold our hands, but what was interesting is that many of them were also smelling our hands.  I have no idea why they did that.  I’m not sure if previous white people maybe had a lot of perfume or scented lotion on.  Or maybe our skin just smells different than theirs.  I’m not too sure.

After leaving the fishing village, we headed to the source of the Nile.  The Nile River is the world’s longest river and it flows north, from Uganda to Egypt.  The water started moving more quickly once we got closer to the area where the lake and the river meet.  The guide told us that it was because of the huge difference between the depth of the lake and the depth of the river.

Rachel and I stuck our feet into the water:

Then we took a group photo there.

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After volunteering with Sixty Feet and Sole Hope, we spent our last three days at Amani Baby Cottage in Jinja.

Initially, when reading about the trip to Uganda back in December when I registered, we were going to split all of our time between Sixty Feet and Sole Hope.  It was only more recently that the three days at Amani were added.

To be completely honest, I was disappointed at the addition of Amani to our itinerary.  I’m not a huge baby person.  I teach high school students because I prefer the older kids.  I was excited for the other two volunteer opportunities because I knew that there would be children of many ages.  Hearing the words “baby cottage” did not excite me at all.

Fortunately, I found out that Amani housed children from ages 0 to 5, so I was hoping to get to spend most of my time with the older kids.  Five year olds I could deal with (or at least I thought so); it was the babies I was not ready for.

Amani Baby Cottage

According to its website, Amani Baby Cottage (ABC), “was established in 2003 to provide care for orphaned and abandoned children…Many are orphaned when their parents die due to AIDS, birth complications or other factors. Some are abandoned in the hospital after birth. Others are found abandoned at taxi stops, in latrines, or on the street…To date, a total of 328 children have been cared for in our home. 107 of these have been reunited with their parents or extended family members, 135 have been fostered into new families, and 26 have been transferred to other ministry placements. We do not refuse children in fragile health, thus 23 children have died while in our care.”

Everyone on my team had different tasks during our time at Amani.  There were 43 children there, ages 0 to 5.  Different team members helped with the infants, the toddlers, the preschool, cleaning, changing diapers, rocking babies, you name it.

There are Ugandan women working there who are referred to as “Mamas.”  It’s really cute hearing the children call the women “Mama.”  Any time the mamas hand out a snack or help a child with something, the kids say, “thank you, Mama.”

When volunteers come, they calls us “aunties” and “uncles.”  It was nice having that routine set before we arrived because even if they didn’t know our first name, they could still address us.

The first day at Amani, Rachel, Cortnie, and I were helping out with the preschool.  The students met as a group at first to do their morning routine, learning about the weather and the calendar.  Then they separated into three groups for different activities.  There were the zebras, giraffes, and lions, according to their ages.  They would rotate through different activities so that the groupings would be smaller.

It was amazing to see how well organized everything was.  The mamas had the schedule down to the minute and the kids were very well-behaved and polite.

The preschool children in their school uniforms

I was with the zebras and our first activity was to go outside to play.  They ran around, played on the swings and monkey bars, and the mamas led them in some fun exercises like frog jumps and songs that had body movements incorporated.

After that, all of the kids regrouped, said a prayer, had porridge and a snack, before separating into their animal groups again. Each of the kids in my group were given a card with a letter on it.  They had to replicate that letter by building it with blocks.  I was really impressed by their language skills.  The other children we met in Uganda knew some English, but here their English sounded perfect and they were completely fluent.

Their schedule shifted a bit after that because the Auntie Rebecca, who had been their preschool teacher for the past month as a volunteer, was flying back home, so she gave out lollipops and they spent some time taking goodbye pictures.

Then we watched some Australian learning videos that were absolutely hilarious to Rachel and me.  They were super corny and the main actor was really strange, but the kids loved them, marching and dancing along to the songs.  There were songs like “The Wheels on the Bus” and then others that I hadn’t heard of.

We helped get the kids ready for lunch and then their nap, and then we left for lunch.

After lunch, we came back to play outside with the kids.  I mainly pushed kids on the swings.  Other people on our team were running around, playing with balls, or doing face paint.

The next day, we expected to return to Amani to similar tasks.  However, upon arriving, we learned that the Mamas had professional development scheduled that day.  They had tried to reschedule it, but there were people who traveled from Kampala to go there.

Due to the change in schedule, preschool was cancelled.  Mission trips always require flexibility and this is the best example of that.  There was no time to complain or ask questions; we just needed to get to work.

Kimi, Joe and I went to the one of the male cottages, which housed ten boys: Edmond, Solomon, Jimmy, Silas, Babu, Michael, Dominic, David, Jonah, and Jonathan.  Jonathan was the only baby and Jonah was around two years old.  The rest were toddlers.

I cannot even begin to describe the chaos that ensued.  There were a few times when I looked over at Kimi and asked, “Am I being pranked right now?  Is this Candid Camera?”  During those moments, all we could do was shoot terrified glances over at one another and then simply laugh at the ridiculousness that we were experiencing.

The boys had acted like little angels when their mamas were around, sitting in a perfect formation, saying thank you, and using good manners, but it was like a switch flipped the moment the mamas walked out the door.

They were stealing toys from each other, running around, and trying to climb the shelves.  We put on a movie, but they wouldn’t stop talking so they couldn’t hear the movie.  I found two books, so I tried reading to them.  They listened to the first book, but by the second, their attention span was gone.

Every now and then, though, one of the mamas would come in to check on something or to make sure that things were going alright.  The minute they entered the room, the boys returned to their perfect angel state.  All a mama had to say was, “boys, stop talking,” and there was silence.  Kimi and I just looked at each other in amazement any time this happened.

Watching a movie

Then it was time for their snack (porridge and a banana).  Mama Georgina told us to stir the porridge with a cup before serving them because it was too hot.  The boys were watching something on the TV while we stirred.  Then, one of the boys started the prayer before meals: “Hand together,” he said.  And they all repeated, “hands together” while putting their hands into prayer position.  “Eyes closed,” he continued, and they all shut their eyes.  They went through all of the prayer.  I couldn’t understand all of the words but it was something like: “Hands together, eyes closed.  Bless our porridge, bless our mamas, bless our aunties, bless our uncles, in Jesus’ name, amen.”  They would all clap while they said “Amen.”

Kimi and I thought that it was really cute that they just said their prayers on their own while watching the movie.  Then, a few minutes later, another boy started the prayer.  When he finished he said, “auntie, we would like our porridge.”  The problem was that it was still extremely hot.

Prayers before snack

The same thing happened a few minutes later, with another boy starting the prayer.  This time we decide to give them the porridge because we knew they wouldn’t stop praying and asking.  I have no idea how they drank it since it seemed to be burning hot, but they loved it.  One boy in the room has special needs and he doesn’t have full control of his arms or legs.  He spilled the porridge all over himself, so we had to find him a new change of clothes.  I hope that he didn’t burn his chest.

After snack, we were excited that we could bring the boys outside.  We expected it to be less crazy than being cooped up in the cottage all day.  Boy were we wrong!

There were people working on the grounds of Amani, doing various tasks like gardening.  The boys ran out of the cottage and made a beeline for the yard tools.  The workers weren’t there at the moment, but their shovels, hoes, and rakes were.

I found myself running toward the edge of the property, wrestling these garden tools out of the hands of the toddlers.  Initially, I told the kids not to touch them and to put them down and they listened, but the moment I walked away, I saw kids chasing each other with the tools.

So back I went, running around in an attempt to avoid witnessing a child being impaled by a gardening tool.  Rachel came outside of her cottage with the girls and she was somehow able to grab a rake out of one of the children’s hands, despite holding two babies on either hip.

Katie told us later that the whole scene was hilarious.  Looking back, I can’t help but laugh at the chaos, but in the moment, I was feeling completely overwhelmed.

At different points during the day, I paused to say a prayer asking God for help.  It sounds so funny now, but gosh, we were all feeling completely overwhelmed and unprepared.  I couldn’t have gotten through that whole day if I wasn’t confident that God had placed me there for a reason and that He was going to help me to continue.

After the garden tool fiasco, we just played outside and then we left for lunch.

We usually went over our highs and lows each day at dinner.  Every team member would discuss their day and it was a nice way to debrief.  This day, we decided to do highs and lows at lunch since we were all exhausted and less than enthused about the thought of returning to Amani.  Many of our teammates were peed on, pooped on, or spit up on.

Kimi and I had been thinking that we had it the worst with ten boys between us, but we came to find out during lunch that Cortnie and Rachel had it even worse in the girls’ cottage.  There were 13 girls and it sounded like they were behaved even more badly than the boys.

Serving at Amani that day definitely gave us a quick dose of humility.  It also increased our respect and appreciation of the mamas exponentially.  The mamas do such an amazing job caring for and loving those children and I’m sure that they have their fair share of difficulties.

The children at Amani come from a variety of backgrounds so although everything looked like it was down to a science on our first day there, I know that doesn’t just happen out of nowhere.  Establishing the routines, rules, and procedures takes a lot of work and those mamas are simply amazing.  It is also clear how much they truly love those children.  If I ever considered adopting, I would have no hesitation to adopt a child from a place like Amani because it is obvious that they are extremely well cared for.

After lunch, we were all hesitant about returning, but it was much calmer.  We played with the kids outside.  We played on the swing set and we also brought bubbles.

Something that was really interesting to me was that the swing set was dedicated to the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting.  It had a plaque on it that included the names and ages of everyone who had died in Connecticut that day, along with the names of companies and churches that had either donated the supplied for the swing set, donated money, or helped to build it.

There were stores from Bethel and Danbury, Connecticut listed on the plaque, which is where I used to live before moving to New Jersey.  What a small world that I was playing with kids in Uganda on a playground that was made with supplies from my former town!

Sarah and Mary brought their Polaroid camera, so the kids LOVED having their pictures taken.

We found out that afternoon that the professional development was a two-day course. Upon leaving, we knew that we would probably have another chaotic day in store for us the following day.  I was thankful for a calmer afternoon, but nervous what the next day would entail.

Yep, I’m holding a baby!

Some of us switched roles the next day.  I stayed in the same room as the previous day because I figured that it would be helpful that I knew all of the names of the boys in that cottage.  Rachel, Cortnie, and Joe were in that cottage with me.

This was our last day volunteering in Uganda, so I think that most of us hoped that it would be a better experience than the prior day.  Fortunately, it was definitely better.  There were definitely still crazy, chaotic moments, but not nearly as many.

The woman who is the current director of Amani bought new movies, hoping that the kids would behave better if they were interested in a new movie that they hadn’t seen before.  That worked really well; the boys were engrossed in The Lion King.

The only slight problem was that every kid wanted to sit in our laps, but there were only three of us.

They watched all of The Lion King, so we followed that with The Good Dinosaur.  They were less excited about that movie, so they got a little antsy.

We had snack time with more prayers, porridge, and bananas, and this time it was much better because the porridge wasn’t too hot when I got it from the kitchen.

We turned on Cars instead of The Good Dinosaur since they really didn’t like that one.  We could hear noises coming from the girls’ cottage and some of the girls ran into our cottage to show the boys some crafts they were making.  Cortnie, Rachel, and I were nervous that would cause the boys to become rambunctious as well.  We shut both of the doors so that the girls couldn’t distract them and then we brought out the crayons and coloring books.

It went well, other than one kid who was eating his crayon:

We left for lunch and when we returned, the mamas had a variety of hand-made items out on display.  It was great to be able to support the mamas by purchasing some souvenirs from them.

Then the kids had pineapple for a snack before going outside.  They wanted us to play “Let it Go” from Frozen on our phones.  Katie had that song on her phone, so she had played it for them before, but she wasn’t with us.  They didn’t understand how it was possible that we didn’t have the song.  We had a phone just like her, after all.  I tried to play them other songs on my phone, but they were unimpressed.

Then it was time to go outside for the rest of the afternoon.  Mama Georgina handed me a pair of nail clippers and said to trim the boys’ nails.  I wasn’t too sure how that was going to play out, but the boys were actually really good at staying still while I clipped their nails.  I’m not sure if I have ever clipped anyone’s nails before that.

We had nail polish, so we painted their nails.  That was a bit of a mess since they kept moving too soon after and smudging the nail polish, but they liked it anyway.  We also had more bubbles.

It seemed like there were fewer kids that afternoon, so it was much calmer.  I was told that some of them were going to therapists or other appointments.

After playing for a while, it was getting close to our time to leave.  The mamas had the kids form a circle so that they could sing farewell songs to us.  That moment was really touching.

They sang some songs in English and some in Luganda; there were some that we were familiar with, such as “Baa Baa, Black Sheep,” and others that we had never heard.

One girl started singing a Christian song and it was just precious.  Both her and her twin sister had one hand on their heart and one hand raised to the sky, praising God.

The songs were really cute, but then it was time to leave.  One boy, Silas, had been sitting on my lap during all of the songs and he had been following me around a little bit that afternoon (he’s the one who ate the blue crayon).  He was holding onto my skirt as I got up to walk away.

I had to physically remove his arms from around my waist and then he started crying.  As we walked out of the compound, some of the kids (like Silas) were crying.  One boy, Edmond, ran up to the fence and waved goodbye.

I couldn’t stop a few tears from rolling down my cheeks.  I couldn’t help but consider how many people the children must say goodbye to.

It’s awesome that so many people go to Amani to volunteer, but there’s always a goodbye.  Some of these boys were abandoned by their parents, and I just felt like I was continuing the cycle of loss.

It was bittersweet, though, because at the same time, we were really needed there.  Although we did a lot of work with Sole Hope, I’m sure that they could have found anyone to help wash feet or pass out lollipops or stickers.

But when the mamas needed their professional development, I’m not sure what they would have done had we not been there.  Us being there helped take a lot off of their plate and I’m thankful that I was able to show my gratitude to them by removing some of their daily duties for a few days.

I know that God placed me and my team exactly where He needed us, so I know that I shouldn’t feel sad, but walking down the road and away from those children was really hard.

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After leaving Amani, we went back to our guest house to pack our bags since we would be leaving early the following morning to take the long drive back to Entebbe for our flights home.

We left around 6:30 to drive about three hours to Entebbe.  We had our last lunch at a restaurant overlooking Lake Victoria.  It was nice to have one last team activity before heading out.

We had a five and a half hour flight to Dubai, followed by a four hour layover.  When we landed in Dubai, we had to get off the plane and board a bus to take us to the airport, but Rachel was flying to Germany and Cortnie was flying to Dallas, so they had to get onto a different bus than the rest of us.

Unfortunately, we hadn’t expected that, so we didn’t really get to say goodbye.

The temperature was around 95 degrees even though it was 10pm in Dubai.  It was so hot and humid that my camera lens fogged up when I tried to take a picture.

Now this is completely random, but something weird about Dubai International Airport is that the toilets seemed to have hot water in them.  I’m not sure if it was hot simply because it was so hot outside.  (It was around 107 degrees on our trip in the opposite direction since it was day time in Dubai at that point.)  Or maybe they heat their toilet water, though I can’t imagine that.  It felt like sitting on a steamer or something when I sat on the toilet.  TMI?  Probably, but it was interesting to me.

After our layover, we flew about 14 hours to JFK and luckily, that was my last stop.  We went through immigration/customs, got our luggage, and I said goodbye to my team, most of whom had to wait for another flight later in the day.

So that was my experience in Uganda this summer.

To everyone who donated money to help me to go on this trip: thank you so much.  I would have been unable to do this work if it hadn’t been for your great generosity.  Although you were not able to be on the trip in the flesh, I brought you with me in my prayers.

To everyone who donated jeans or helped me to cut the jean patterns: thank you.  I was able to witness the entire shoemaking process, from jeans, to jean patterns, to sewing and creating shoes.  And then I was able to help out at the actual clinic and see the shoes on the feet of people who were now jigger-free.  Although you may have simply given me a pair of old jeans, they are now helping someone to avoid a jigger re-infestation.

To those of you who prayed for me and my team: I appreciate it so much.  There were a few teammates who experienced minor illnesses, but we were healthy for the most part.  We were safe, and we had an excellent, rewarding experience.

To my teammates, Kimi, Bart, Jacob, Katie, Cortnie, Rachel, Sara, Haley, Mary, Mia, and Joe: I am grateful for meeting you.  I know that God formed our team with each of you in mind.  We each brought along our own strengths and weaknesses and together, we were able to help spread love throughout Kampala and Jinja.  I will continue to pray for each of you and I expect to hear more amazing things that each of you are doing in your lives.  You are all inspiring.

Love,

Stephanie

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Here is the video for part two of my trip: