I had never expected to become a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM), yet here I am, having been at home ever since my maternity leave started back in February 2020. When my husband and I got married, I was clear that I intended to continue working as a teacher whether we had children or not. My mom, however, had always told me that I might change my mind once I actually had a child and she was definitely right. Quitting my job was still a difficult choice, but one that I’m so thankful I made. I’m grateful every day that I get to stay home with my son and watch him grow and to help raise him into the man I’d like to see him become.
Initially, I didn’t think my family could afford to live on one income and I know that is the biggest barrier for most women I meet who want to stay at home. Is it a privilege for me to stay home while my husband works? Absolutely. Is it feasible for everyone? No, of course not. But I do think it’s possible for many more families than people realize. I keep meeting moms who seem envious that I stay at home, but for many of them it could be an option.
My goal today is to help other moms who are interested in possibly becoming a SAHM to see how it’s working out for me so far and the places I’ve been able to save money and earn money.
The first thing I did was to create a specific budget with my husband to see what would need to change once we eliminated my paycheck. Then we had to consider the ways our spending might change if I was home (like spending less on gas money, but more on utilities). We also had to calculate the cost of daycare since I would no longer really be earning my full paycheck if I had to pay daycare each month.
After learning how much daycare costs, I realized that I would be spending almost half of my paycheck just for someone else to raise my son. I know many women who opt to stay at home after having their second or third child because the daycare costs end up being so high that their take-home pay is next to nothing.
The other major factor in deciding if staying at home was possible was health insurance. As a teacher, I had a great health insurance plan that wasn’t too expensive. When I was still technically a school employee but home on my extended maternity leave, I paid somewhere around $500 per month for our family’s insurance – including both health and dental. If we wanted a comparable plan through my husband’s employer, it would cost us almost $2000 per month. That was obviously out of the question, so we opted for a lower-cost plan since we’re usually pretty healthy and don’t go to the doctor all that often. We opted to drop dental insurance for now since we usually only need cleanings.
Right now the health insurance choice has worked out fine. In the event that I get pregnant again, though, I’m curious to see how much money we have to pay out of pocket. With my school insurance, I paid $0 for all of my prenatal visits, ultrasounds, and my birth (which totaled over $70,000 since I was in the hospital for 5 days and needed a c-section). With our new insurance, it will definitely no longer be free. I can go on and on about the frustrations of health insurance and the healthcare system in general in America, but that’s not the point of this blog, so let me get back on topic…
My husband and I have always led frugal lives, so becoming a SAHM didn’t require major changes in our lifestyle. I figured I’d share some of the ways we save money in case this helps anyone who may be considering it. But before I tell you about the places we save, I thought I’d mention the places we choose to spend. Everyone has priorities when it comes to finances, but they will look different for each family. Your list probably won’t look the same as mine, but this is what is important to us.
Spending Priorities:
–healthy food: We value our health, so I still buy quite a bit of organic produce, milk, and meat. Rather than purchasing everything organic, I try to prioritize the dirty dozen when deciding which fruits and veggies to buy organic. For example, I always buy organic apples, berries, and spinach, but I never buy organic bananas, oranges, or potatoes.
–donations: We had to decrease our donations quite a bit when I stopped working, but we have 3 sponsored children in Africa and we knew that we would continue our commitment to them. We also tithe to our church and make donations to some other charitable organizations. We know that God has provided so much for us; we would rather cut costs somewhere else than eliminating donations.
–non-toxic products: Although I don’t buy everything eco-friendly (like organic toilet paper, for example), I try to limit the harsh chemicals in my home. I purchase less toxic detergents, cleaning products, and sunscreen because I don’t want the chemicals around my son. Badger sunscreen is my favorite mineral-based sunscreen that I’ve tried thus far. But I also use simple, cheap white vinegar and water for washing fruits and vegetables.
–vitamins & supplements: We all take some supplements like fish oil and probiotics and my husband uses a lot of workout supplements like protein powder and creatine. If we’re feeling sick, we take elderberry, vitamin c, vitamin d, and echinacea. Our supplement intake changes all of the time, but we have definitely benefitted from many of them. I was able to significantly decrease my Lyme disease symptoms, for example, by taking a combination of andrographis, resveratrol, and cat’s claw. It’s frustrating to me that I can get an antibiotic free (or very cheap) through insurance, but I have to spend hundreds of dollars a year on supplements that help my body so much more than an antibiotic or over-the-counter medicine ever could, but let’s not get too far down that rabbit hole.
–gym membership: My husband goes to a gym, but I ended my gym contract when I started maternity leave. I work out either by running outside or with some home fitness equipment we have (dumbbells, bands, kettlebells, TRX). If we owned a home, we would slowly purchase more home equipment so that we wouldn’t need a gym membership, but right now we don’t have that option. I would love a treadmill for the colder months so that I could continue running through the winter, but we don’t have the space for it. This is also an area we’re reevaluating to see if we can squeeze a second gym membership for me into our budget because I’m struggling to get a good workout in with a toddler running around and now that the cold weather has arrived.
–dentist visits: Some people choose to forego the dentist, but I have had a decent number of cavities in the past, so I like to get regular cleanings. Instead of going every 6 months, I usually reschedule my visits to go more like every 9 months since we have to pay the full cost out-of-pocket.
-take-out & meals out: Our daily meals are pretty much the same every single day, so we choose 1 meal per week to eat out or get takeout. That ranges in price from a cheap diner breakfast, to a slightly more expensive burrito lunch or açaí bowl lunch, or maybe a Thai dinner.
–vacation: I grew up with a single mom who always prioritized vacation, so that is a non-negotiable for me. Keep in mind, though, that by vacation, I don’t mean an all-inclusive beach resort in the tropics. A nice vacation can be visiting family in another state for a long weekend or renting a house down by the beach in a little shore town. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, but time to relax as a family is very important to me. We all need that recharge.
What’s interesting to me is how long our list of spending priorities is. Everyone’s list of priorities is different, but hopefully this helps you to realize that while certain ways we save may seem extreme, it’s because of the items that we have prioritized. If you don’t care about organic food or taking supplements, then that’s less money you have to save each month.
Now here is a look at the ways we cut costs:
Ways We Save:
–Renting: Some people say that it makes more sense to own a house, but for us that isn’t the case right now. While I would love to have a house so we could have more space, it doesn’t make sense for us financially. We know exactly how much rent we owe each month and we can control our utility costs. By renting, we don’t pay for any emergency repairs, water bills, or taxes (which are extremely high since we live in New Jersey). We have lived in our current apartment for the past 18 months. In that time, my landlord has had to pay a plumber, Terminix, and numerous service technicians for routine services as well as unexpected repairs. It’s really nice knowing that we aren’t responsible to purchase a new refrigerator or stove if ours break.
-No cable or subscription services: No Amazon Prime, Netflix, Spotify, Hulu, Pandora, or food plans. I had Amazon prime back when it was under $50 per year for students. Once it increased to $99, it was no longer worth it for me. I still never pay for shipping on Amazon because I only place an order once I have over $25 worth of products in my cart because then it’s still free shipping. We’ve also used free trials from Prime, Netflix, and Hulu when we’ve wanted to see something specific, like a season of Stranger Things. Since we both have email addresses, we have used more than one free trial of each. I’m currently on my second free trial of Amazon Prime since the companies eventually offer more free trials after enough time has passed.
–Air conditioning: I know that people think we’re crazy with this one, but my family likes the heat. We never put air conditioning on until the inside temperature passes 85 degrees (and often higher). We usually set our AC in the low 80s when we do turn it on. We open windows and use fans.
–Heating: I would prefer a warmer temperature, but I set the heat to 67 during the day and 60 at night to save. I just wear a sweatshirt if I’m chilly inside because heating the house all day every day while I stay home gets expensive. Our utility bill is much higher in the winter due to heat than in the summer since we use air conditioning infrequently.
–No food delivery services: (Instacart, Door Dash, Grub Hub, Uber Eats). I once had a coupon for Door Dash, so I figured I’d try it. I realized that they charge not only a delivery fee and a tip, but some of the items actually cost more than if you ordered them directly from the restaurant and drove their to pick it up yourself (a burrito that is usually $10.99 was listed as $13.00 on the app).
–Cars: My husband and I both have used cars without monthly payments. I feel strongly about this one. New cars are so expensive, yet they only ever decrease in value. For most people I don’t think they’re worth it. I’ve owned 3 cars over the past 14 years. My first car was free from my grandpa. I found my second, a Honda Civic, in a newspaper ad and I paid $4700 cash. That car lasted 9 years for me. I found my current car, a Mazda 3, on Facebook. My former coworker was selling it for $3000, so I paid cash and so far so good. Although I’ve had small repairs here and there, I still probably haven’t spent the amount of money on those 3 cars that I would have spent on one brand new car.
–Cell phones: Every month, Verizon Up offers rewards after you pay your bill on time. I accumulated $110 in Verizon dollars and was able to purchase my current iPhone for only around $100 including fees. Although I have an iPhone, I always buy the oldest version when I get a new one. While other people ran to get their iPhone 7, I was just getting the iPhone SE that had already been on the market for a while. They’re still new phones, but just not the latest version. We also only buy new phones when our phones are broken. We never upgrade just for the sake of having a newer phone or a better camera.
–Phone data: We have smallest Verizon phone plan. We don’t have unlimited data; we have 2GB for 2 lines. We never go over that limit because we turn our data off when we don’t need to be using it. Since I’m home most of the time, I’m almost always using WiFi rather than data anyway. If I have to use my GPS, I set it while at home because it will then work without data once I’m driving.
–Aldi: We purchase almost all of our groceries from Aldi. When I switched from a regular supermarket to Aldi, I started saving around $40 each week. The quality of food is just as good and it’s a quicker shopping experience since there are fewer aisles than a huge supermarket. It’s also easier to eat healthy since there aren’t as many aisles of junk food. I have also learned that our Aldi usually has cheaper meat on Fridays. They usually have stickers for $2-off on their meat on Friday since it’s set to expire in the next few days. We eat a lot of meat in our house, so I can save around $10 every week just by shopping on Friday.
–Costco: I buy some bulk items at Costco, but I always have to pay close attention to this because some items are still cheaper at Aldi than the bulk Costco versions. Some items we usually get at Costco include protein powder and bars, almonds, oatmeal, kombucha, coffee beans, and egg whites. I also get gas there for my car.
–Oil changes: My husband changes the oil for his car and his dad helps him out when he needs bigger jobs like changing the brakes.
–Clothing: This is an area where we save a lot compared to the average American. We buy new clothing only when essential. I’ve had many items of my clothing for over 10 years, but if they’re not ripped or stained, then there’s no reason to replace them if they still fit. When I was pregnant, I bought a few key maternity items that I needed, but I mainly wore looser shirts that I already owned. I did need some nursing clothing and I bought it used on Poshmark or Mercari. I asked for a Latched Mama gift card for my birthday since I like their dresses and a Senita gift card because they have the best nursing sports bras. My husband’s Christmas wishlist this year is mainly clothing items that he needs.
–Cloth diapers: So many people advised me against cloth diapering, but I love it. I still buy disposable diapers for overnight and for times when we’re going away somewhere or any time it would be inconvenient to have a dirty diaper in a wet bag, but most of the time my son wears a cloth diaper. They’re really easy to use and they’re super cute. I started with cloth diapers when my son was around 6 months old and he’s 19 months old now and still uses the same ones since they have snaps that allow the size to adjust as he grows. I save hundreds of dollars on diapers. My favorites are the Wegreeco and Alva Baby cloth diapers. They cost around $32 for 6 diapers plus inserts, which seems expensive until you realize how many times you use the diapers. I have 4 sets of them (24 total diapers), which cost me about $128. That’s a lot up front, but way less than I would have spent on the many disposable diapers I would have used. It’s also much better for the environment since most days we only throw away 2 disposable diapers. I also use the reusable Wegreeco swim diapers when we go to the beach.
–E-cloth mop: I used to have a Swiffer, but then I had to buy the disposable wet pads. I switched to an e-cloth mop instead because I use the same pad and just throw it into the washing machine. I first heard about the Norwex mop, but the e-cloth one works great for me and it’s much cheaper.
–Hand-me-down clothing: When I was pregnant, I was thrilled by the amount of clothing that people gave me as hand-me-downs. I didn’t buy a single piece of clothing for my son until purchasing his first pair of sneakers when he was almost 1. I do buy him new shoes since I know how important that is, but almost all of his clothes are from people whose children outgrew their clothes. We’ve gotten clothing from coworkers, friends, and even my husband’s patients.
–Used clothing: Now that my son is older, I’ve needed to buy him a few more pieces of clothing. I found his Halloween costume on Mercari and I bought his winter coat on Poshmark. I also bought nursing clothing for myself on Poshmark as well as Lululemon work pants for my husband since he kept ripping through cheaper pants since he has an active job. The pants he likes cost about $129 new, but I found them for $50 on Poshmark.
–Used books: We buy some books new, but whenever we can, we opt for used versions, even if we’re getting them for each other for gifts. I use ThriftBooks to buy most books for under $5, or I look for the used options on Amazon. We also have multiple free little libraries within walking distance from our house, so I peruse the shelves on those for books I find interesting and trade them out for books that I’ve already read. I also sell books back to our local used paperback book store since I have so many from my classroom library from when I was an English teacher.
–Rebatest: I can’t use this website anymore because Amazon thought I was scamming them with fake reviews (I wasn’t), but we got over $1000 worth of products for free by leaving reviews for the items. Some of the items we got include: exercise resistance bands, bluetooth speakers, Montessori toys, leggings, a diffuser, you name it. We got 58 products for free, until Amazon flagged my account and my husband’s. The way it worked was that you applied for a product on Rebatest, then bought it on Amazon, wrote a review, and then the website would refund your money for the product. I know it sounds too good to be true, but it worked for us for a while and some of the products we use on a daily basis.
–Dollar store: We always buy cards at the dollar store. You can easily spend $6 on a simple birthday card at a drugstore, but at the dollar store they’re usually 2 for $1. I also get my husband’s shampoo there. I even found a battery-operated toothbrush for my son since he always wants to use ours.
–Facebook marketplace: I bought my son a Strider balance bike for $20 instead of over $100. I also got him a wooden easel for arts and crafts as well as a wooden step stool. The step stool wasn’t perfect, so I just repainted it.
–Wishlists: It may seem silly to include “wishlists” as a way to save, but I remember that when I was growing up, I would put items that I wanted on my birthday or Christmas wishlist. I knew not to ask my mom for things during other times of the year, so if I wanted something, I just hoped that I could get it for Christmas. Today it’s so easy to add items to our shopping carts online that many people don’t seem to be able to delay gratification. They buy anything they want the moment they want it (which makes it hard to think of presents to buy them when it is a holiday!). My husband and I both add items to a wishlist. I have an on-going wishlist on a Google doc. If I want something that isn’t absolutely essential, I add it to the list.
I know this may sound boring, but my wishlist includes items that aren’t necessarily “fun” presents. For my birthday, I got the Berkey water filter that I really wanted and for Christmas this year I want the fluoride filters that are an add-on. I ask for toiletries as stocking stuffers (Native deodorant, fluoride-free natural toothpaste, PUR gum). I think a lot of people have a hard time distinguishing between wants and needs. I have been wanting that gum for a while now since I ran out of it, but is it necessary to my life? No, and it’s expensive as far as gum is concerned, so I’ll just wait until Christmas and see if I get it. If not, I’ll wait for my birthday.
–Coffee: I don’t drink coffee, but my husband does. We buy whole bean coffee from Costco that he grinds and brews in a regular coffee maker. It amazes me how many people need their Dunkin or Starbucks coffee every day. So much money is saved each month if you just make your own coffee at home. My mom loves Dunkin french vanilla coffee, so I sometimes buy her the grounds for a present and then she can make coffee that tastes the same as it does at the store in her own coffee maker.
–Beauty: I cut hair for myself, my husband, and my son and I don’t dye my hair, so we have no salon costs. None of us get manicures, pedicures, massages, waxing, eyebrow threading, micro blading, facials, floats, or cryotherapy. We save hundreds of dollars a month this way.
–Credit cards: I know that many people struggle with credit card debt, but because I am always sure to pay our credit card bills in full, I use credit cards for every purchase that I can. Most years we earn back over $500 back just for buying things with credit cards that we would have bought anyway.
–Gas: Although I prefer to use credit cards, my husband has a gas station on his way to work that is cheaper than the others if he pays cash. He always fills up at that station to save money.
–Meal prepping: We have always meal prepped for the convenience, but it also saves money. Every weekday our lunch is turkey, brussels sprouts, and sweet potato and our dinner is chicken, rice, beans, and broccoli. Some people would be tired of the same foods all of the time, but we’re fine with it, and we do switch it up sometimes. If spaghetti squash is on sale, I may have that instead of the rice, or we’ll have green beans instead of the brussels sprouts, but that’s typically what we eat each week day. Then I pick foods for our weekend meals based on what is on sale or what we’re craving.
–Take-out: Although we do “eat out” once a week, we usually opt for take-out. That way, we not only don’t need to pay tips, but we also aren’t spending extra on appetizers, desserts, and fancy items. We usually choose to get take-out for lunch instead of dinner, which is also cheaper. Our typical weekly meal out is either lunch at Playa Bowls or Fins, or breakfast at our local diner, Acropolis.
–Gifts: I know that we won’t be able to do this forever, but right now, our son is young, so gifts are very low-key. For Christmas last year, he was only 9 months old, so he didn’t understand the holiday. We decided to get him one gift for a combined Christmas and birthday present: his pikler triangle. It was a big gift, so that was the only thing we got him for both occasions, and that was completely fine. He didn’t understand what gifts were anyway. We didn’t need to have him unwrap a dozen of presents to feel loved. He loves his triangle and it’s something that will last him for years to come. This year he needs a few clothing items like snow boots and snow pants and they may not be the most fun presents in the world, but that’s what he needs. I’ll also probably get him a few art supplies. I know in the upcoming years, he’ll be asking for specific things, so right now we might as well get items he needs while he’s too young to care.
-Birthdays: Moms are hard to compete with these days. When I was a kid, children’s birthday parties often featured pizza, a cake, and a few paper decorations. Today, a first birthday requires a photo shoot with multiple outfits and a smash cake, an elaborate balloon arch, a theme with matching shirts for the baby and parents, another smash cake for the party, a regular cake for the guests, catered food, and very specific decorations that go along with the theme. It’s a pricey endeavor – especially considering that the one-year-old won’t remember it. For my son, I baked a small banana cake (because I’m not giving him added sugar yet), a regular cake for the guests, and made baked ziti for dinner. My mother-in-law helped with some other simple food items and simple decorations and that was that. We don’t need all of these fancy details just to look good for Instagram. I’m in no way judging the parents who do choose elaborate parties, but we were able to save thousands of dollars by having a simple birthday party the way that we did.
–Sales: If there is something that I need to buy, I compare prices at a variety of online retailers before purchasing it. I consider whether a used option is a possibility. I sign up for emails that I later unsubscribe to if they offer a discount for subscribing. I check websites on a few different days to check for different sales.
–Daycare: Because I’m a SAHM, we don’t pay for daycare and that is the biggest saver of them all. The average cost of daycare for one baby in the United States is $1,230 per month, which is $14,760 each year. That is a massive amount of money. So while I technically don’t earn any money in a real job, staying at home is worth at least $15,000 per year, just because of daycare costs. If I had a second child, it would be even higher.
Something that bothered me a bit when I decided to become a SAHM was how everyone started asking what I would do for work. Um. Nothing. Being a mom is a full-time job. I know that people had good intentions, but the constant barrage of “you should tutor!” and “you should teach English to Chinese students!” made me feel like I had to do some sort of part-time work. I started looking into various options, only feeling stressed out trying to figure out when I would be able to squeeze in the hours.
Being a mom consumes most of my day, especially since my husband works long hours. My son is usually up at 6am and other than the midday nap, he doesn’t go to bed until 7pm. My husband plays with him for about an hour in the morning while I make breakfast, but then he works for the rest of the day and night. That doesn’t give me a ton of extra time to work a part-time job. But below are the simple things that I do to earn money.
Ways I Earn Money:
–Clothing: I sell clothing and shoes on Poshmark and Mercari. While they do take a percentage of the earnings, I’ve found they’re the easiest way for me to sell. I’ve used Facebook Marketplace as well, but that can get a little sketchy since you have to meet up with strangers. The apps email a shipping label to me. All I need to do is print it and drop off my packages at the post office and then I’m all set.
–Rakuten: This is the easiest way to earn money since you just have to download the Rakuten extension to your internet browser. Then when I shop online, it instantly pops up if there is an option for cash back. It also automatically applies coupon codes when checking out to get the best deals. I’ve made $145 cash back since 2018. This isn’t a lot of money, but the extension didn’t cause me to buy anything I wouldn’t have otherwise purchased anyway, so I might as well get the extra money back.
–Groceries: I check Ibotta before going grocery shopping to see if any items I need have rewards that week. After I go shopping at the grocery store, drugstore, or dollar store, I upload photos of my receipts to both Ibotta and Fetch Rewards. I’ve made $148 over the past year or two on Ibotta. I also use Dosh, which is synched with our credit cards and gives us money back for going to certain gas stations or local restaurants and stores. It’s automatic, so every now and then I get an email telling me how much money I earned by using my credit card at a particular gas station. I’ve made $64 on Dosh in the past year. While none of these apps give me a lot of money back, they work in addition to any coupons, store promotions, or cash back from Rakuten. It’s all just extra money for a small effort on my part.
–Amazon Mechanical Turk: This and MSR (below) are the only “work” I do. It’s mainly surveys, but there are also other tasks to complete on MTurk. It’s up to me whether or not I log on, and whether or not I accept a job. Initially, I had to complete a lot of surveys for just a few cents, but once I established myself as someone who would take the surveys seriously, I now complete surveys and tasks that pay more. I have made over $2000 in the past year doing a variety of tasks as an MTurker and many of them are quite fun. I take these surveys during my son’s nap time or after he goes to bed if I’m finished with cleaning. Most months I make between $100-$200, which helps us to afford that weekly takeout meal when we’re tired of our meal prep food.
–MSR: I also complete surveys and data retro tasks on the MSR app and I redeem my points for Amazon gift cards. These tasks ask you to take videos of your screentime, YouTube history, and Amazon purchase history and upload them to the app. Some people feel it’s an invasion of privacy, but I don’t mind it. I only started using this app in the last two months and I’ve made over $40.
–Teachers Pay Teachers: I started posting lessons on Teachers Pay Teachers while I was still a teacher because I saw colleagues purchasing lessons on there that other teachers had created. In my ten years of teaching, I created hundreds of lessons, so I started uploading them there. I had already done all of the work for my own students, so I knew that I might as well post it for another teacher to use. It’s really nice getting emails about sales that I’ve made since it’s all passive income at this point.
I haven’t done this yet, but I plan to make new lessons even though I’m not currently teaching. Many teachers buy lessons I’ve made on some of the classic Shakespearean texts like Macbeth, so I can make new lessons for other classics to post there and earn the money. I pay a fee each year so that the site takes a smaller portion of my earnings and it works out for me better that way. It’s not a ton of money by any means, but I’ve made about $700 since I started posting lessons there a few years ago. If I choose to take the time to create new lessons, I could potentially make much more.
So those are all of the things that I do to both save money and earn money. Like I said in the beginning – I know that it is a privilege that I am able to be SAHM. I understand that it is not feasible for every family, but I also know that it would be an option for some families if they found areas where they could cut costs. Hopefully this blog gave you a few ideas.
Peppermintfrost 