What an interesting summer it was in terms of some of the males I met.
1. Mr. Nice Guy
Things started out pretty normal back in May and June. I had been hanging out with a guy for a month or two who I met online. He was a really nice guy. Unfortunately, nice just wasn’t enough (see the blog on that topic here: Why Being a Nice Guy Isn’t Enough).
It was enjoyable to have someone to go out to dinner with, go shopping with, and hang out at the beach with. For our first date, we went out for brunch, then to Barnes and Noble to browse some books, and then we went for a walk on the boardwalk. It was really nice.
After that, we hung out a few times, had dinners together, went running together, and went to the beach. He was a nurse practitioner with a good job that he loved. He was intelligent and kind. He dressed nice. But there just wasn’t a spark and he wasn’t too interested in his faith.
Then he invited me to his mom’s wedding and started talking about plans for my birthday and places we could go for a birthday getaway. And that’s when I realized that he was definitely more into me than I was of him. I probably could have let it continue a little longer and had a fun summer doing random activities with him, but I knew that my feelings weren’t changing and the longer I kept seeing him, the worse I would feel to end it. I didn’t want to break either of our hearts. As it is, I still ended up in tears when I ended things with him since I knew he was really disappointed.
Back to the drawing board.
2. Mr. Inappropriate, Self-Conscious, Fake Runner
This guy I also met online, but we only met up to go running together. It wasn’t supposed to be a date.
Turns out he hasn’t really run since high school and he’s completely out of shape. He was four years younger than me, still living at home, never finished college, and was just working at Dunkin’ Donuts.
Now, for a running partner, fine, I don’t really care about any of that. But if you haven’t run since high school, then you obviously aren’t going to be my training buddy.
We went for a walk on the boardwalk. He was complaining about walking because he was getting tired. He definitely hadn’t done any sort of running in a long time.
I was trying to get home as quickly as possible because it was clear that he wanted a date, not a run. He wanted to sit on a bench to talk, so we did for a little while as I made excuses in my mind about why I had to leave.
He was just a bit of a mess, cursing, uneducated, and making lots of ignorant comments. I said I had to go home, and he responded, “you aren’t even going to let me see your apartment?”
Uhh, no. I just met you. You’re not my cup of tea. I don’t really trust you due to the whole running facade. No you can’t come to my apartment.
He was really giving me a hard time, so I just said I had to go. I proceeded to walk down the wrong street because I wouldn’t have put it past him to follow me home.
He texted me later and I told him that sorry, I wasn’t interested. To that, he responded with a lovely dick pick with the text, “You could have had this.” Yes, really. I was open-mouthed, at a complete loss for words.
I told him how that was completely inappropriate. He asked me why. I tried to explain, but he just didn’t get it. Then he asked me if it was big at least.
WHAT??? No I’m not answering that question. I said he was inappropriate and that I didn’t want to talk to him. He went on this sad rant about how he’s just so self conscious because of his height (he wasn’t much taller than me and I’m 5’2″). Blah blah blah. I tried one more time to explain why that picture and question were uncalled for, but it didn’t work. I said goodbye, thinking it was over.
He proceeded to text me the next day, begging me to answer. I had to actually block his number because he just didn’t get the point.
3. Mr. 40-Something Fist Pumping Lifeguard
I met this lifeguard early on in the summer while going on my usual morning beach walk. He approached me, talking about the weather or something like that. He asked where I was from and how long I was here, clearly thinking I was a tourist. I explained that I live here.
Once I said that, he should have ended the conversation and moved on. It’s now clear that he just wanted a tourist who he could hook up with, then never see again once they went back home. Instead, he kept chatting for a while. He had the perfect lifeguard tan and body, and he worked as a gym and health teacher. I didn’t know much else, but he seemed nice, so I gave him my number when he asked for it.
Then I continued to see him almost every time I walked on the beach. Every time he would ask me to go to DJais (the typical crazy Jersey Shore-type, slutty outfits, fist pumping meathead-type bar). Every time I told him no thanks, especially after explaining that I don’t drink and that I’m not really into the bar scene…especially the DJais-type bar/club scene.
One time he said that maybe we could get dinner one day. I said fine. That was the last time I ever heard about dinner. Every other time, it was just about DJais. He even told me that DJais isn’t so bad on the weekdays and that I would probably only get my butt grabbed by one guy (rather than more on the weekend?). Uhhh….I’m good. One butt grab is one too many.
Toward the end of the summer I saw him less since he flew to Cali for some national lifeguard competition and I went to volunteer in Nicaragua.
At some point I was curious about his age, and when I found out that he had been teaching for such a long time in his school, I realized that he had to be in his 40s. I’m 28. That’s a little old for me.
At the end of the summer, he moved back home, yet still asked me if he was back here visiting the lifeguards if he could text me so we could hang out. Uhhh. NO. All you want to do is go to the bar. I don’t like bars and I don’t drink. What about that do you not understand???
I wonder if this situation will replay itself again next summer.
4. Mr. Afraid to Show His Faith to the World
I met another guy online who was really into his faith, he loved running, and he was studying to be a teacher. Perfect, right?
We met up for lunch at a Mexican place. It was fine. A little awkward, but that’s not too abnormal for a first date. Then we went for a walk on the beach.
I could tell really quickly that he liked me more than I liked him. I was ready to say goodbye at the restaurant, but he doesn’t live as close to the beach as I do, so I said I’d show him the beach when he asked me to.
Part of what drew me to him was his strong faith, but once we actually talked about it, it was clear that although it was something that was important to him, he didn’t want to share at all. He said he never spoke to anyone about his faith; he preferred to just pray to himself.
That’s all completely fine. I understand the feeling. But I’d ideally prefer someone who is a little more open about it. For me, it’s something that I definitely want to talk about if I’m with people who are close to me.
Then I learned that he was living at home, had to go back to school to finish his teaching program since he had a different job before deciding on a career switch, and was currently living in a hotel since his parents were selling their house and moving. Ehhh…
5. Mr. 60+ Years Old in a Speedo
Do you need a visual? Here you go:
I apologize for that, but I was the one stuck there on that towel talking to him while he did not take my hints that I was not interested in making conversation. And don’t worry, he had no idea that I snuck that picture…it was just one of those “I can’t make this stuff up” situations.
I was just sitting at the beach minding my own business. I was reading a book, enjoying the late afternoon weather. He looked at me from his chair, which was probably 20 feet away from me. He said hi; I said the same back. I was just being polite. He asked me some small-talk-type question. I responded once again, then tried to get back to my book. He asked if I would like to take a walk with him down the beach to stop at 7/11 for coffee. I declined the offer and he left.
Then I saw him heading back my way after his walk, coffee cup in hand. I tried to busy myself in my book, but next thing I know, there he was, all sprawled out in the sand next to me. Legs spread, Speedo out in all its glory.
Now, I am usually pretty good at ending conversations when I’m not interested in someone. This time, I was a miserable failure in that respect. He just kept talking.
And he wasn’t even being nice. He asked about the book I was reading and when I explained that it was about sisters who are interracial, it was clear that he was racist.
Then he asked about my tattoos and then asked if I was a “Bible thumper.” He told me I was a bad Catholic for having tattoos, even though he doesn’t know much about Catholicism regardless. And on and on.
He complained about Belmar not being the party town that it used to be. As a local, I like that it no longer has the crazy party reputation.
I saw him at the beach the next day, but luckily my friend was with me, so he stayed away. And he’s actually from NYC so although I saw him in passing one other time during the summer, he didn’t see or speak to me.
6. Mr. Reality TV Dirtball Pilot
This is definitely the most interesting of the guys I met this summer, but I DO NOT mean interesting in a good way.
I was on an 8-mile run in early September, when summer was dying down. I was about 3 miles from home, running on the boardwalk in Asbury Park, when a guy on a bike started riding next to me. He asked me if bikes were allowed yet and I said I didn’t think they were allowed until September 15th. I now realize that considering he lives here, he knew the rules. He just wanted to talk.
So he continued asking me some questions and talking to me while I ran. It seemed a little strange, but he seemed really nice, and it broke up the monotony of a long run.
It turned out he was a pilot for a major airline, but because of his part-time work schedule, he had lots of days off, and he mainly worked out, rode his bike, went to the beach, and used his stand up paddle board. Wow, I love all of those things, I thought.
He biked next to me for about a mile while we talked about random stuff. I didn’t have my phone on me, so I gave him my number and he said he would text me later.
We lived pretty close to each other, so I was excited to have someone to potentially go to the beach with, run with, or ride bikes with.
A few days later after work, we were both on the beach, so I walked down to where he was. We went swimming and went for a walk. He didn’t seem to be the best listener in the world, but I wanted to give him a chance.
Let’s make the long story short. I started getting weird vibes from him, so I found his name online. It turns out that not only is he a pilot, but he also had his own TV show about a haircutting place he owned in Long Branch (which no longer exists) where the girls cut hair while wearing bikinis.
The episodes are online and when I clicked on one, I could not believe what a jerk this guy was. I know that reality shows typically portray people in the worst, most extreme light, but if he was even 10% like his character on the show, that was too much for me.
His whole life seems to be based around the size of his muscles, his arrogance, and the number of women whose numbers he can get and who he can get into his bed.
He even told me at one point that he liked to have a “local hookup” and that I was “convenient.” I told him about my faith, so he either wasn’t listening, didn’t believe me, didn’t care, or viewed it as a challenge. No, I would not like to be your local, convenient hookup chick.
7. Mr. Lying Surfer
Then, on another random September afternoon, I was going for a walk on the beach, when a guy was getting ready to go surfing. He said hi and asked me about something. We talked for a little while. He was a local surf instructor and he seemed pretty cool. He was just returning from a surf competition he was in that day in Long Beach Island. He asked if I had my phone on me, but I didn’t and he didn’t have his phone on him either. So he said he hoped we’d cross paths again and I continued on my way.
To my surprise, a few days later, I was walking down the steps off the boardwalk to head home after a run and at that exact moment, he was riding by on his skateboard.
He asked for my number. I didn’t have my phone on me again, but I gave him my number because he offered to teach me how to surf.
He called me at some point, but I was busy, so I called him back another time and we chatted for a tiny bit. Then he asked me out around 7pm one day, but it was to go out at that moment. Sorry, no, I need a little notice.
Then the next day I was at the beach with my friend. He asked if we could hangout and I told him no, that I was with my friend. So he texted me while I’m with my friend on the beach saying that he was on the boardwalk right then and there and that I should go talk to him. Um, no. I told you that I was with a friend. So he left only to text me a little while later to ask if my friend and I wanted to come watch him surf in Avon. No again, like I said, I was with a friend.
He texted and called a few times after that to ask me out. Every time he was asking me out between 8 and 10pm for a date that would happen that night. No. That’s not how I roll. Every time he called, I was legitimately busy, so I’d just text him back later on saying sorry.
Then I had a difficult time when my great uncle passed away, there were some family issues going on, and then my grandma passed away just 3 days after my uncle. Work was stressful. I wasn’t in the best mood.
He called me one day that week at 8pm, but I was out at Bible study. I got home after 10pm, so I texted him since I needed to go to bed and didn’t have time to talk on the phone. He asked if I would come over. Uhh, it’s 10:20pm. We’ve never hung out before. What must you want? Hmmm…sex, maybe?
So I told him no and he basically proceeded to tell me how I’m weird because I only text and don’t talk on the phone (which isn’t true, it just happened to turn out that way with him), and I’m just too negative for him.
I explained that it was an abnormally depressing and stressful week. He ignored my comment about the deaths in my family and just said that he likes to associate himself around positive people.
I said bye, trying to end the conversation, but it was clear that surprised him, despite him being so rude. At some point in the conversation, I had asked him how old he was. He told me he was 28. I said, “oh, me too!” To which he admitted that he was actually 26. So when he called me out for my negativity, I called him out for lying, but he ignored that comment.
I’m glad I never went on a real date with him, since it would have been a complete waste of time anyway. I just couldn’t believe that he had the nerve to say I was being negative when I had two family members die just days apart. Yes, I’m feeling sad, I think that’s quite normal, given the situation, thank you very much.
So that concludes my summer of, um, interesting(?) guys. Never a dull moment, that’s for sure!